The Dance

Back up

2012-01-20T12:59:00.000-07:00

A few years ago I had my laptop in my bedroom while I worked. When I was finished and turned it off I had one of the kids take it back to the office to put on my desk. He turned it loose a little too early and it hit the desk really hard and killed my hard drive.

I learned to get an external hard drive and back everything up.

Which I did. The last time I did that was in October, though. And then I took my laptop in to have it's yearly checkup and clean. I don't think they did everything they were supposed to because it was still giving me the "blue screen of death" every other day or so. So I was going to take it in this week to have them fix it again because I really want my laptop after surgery.

Yesterday when I got home from work I turned it on to check my mail.

Nothing.
Nada.
Zippo.
Black screen with just a curser ominously blinking in the corner.

Had the kids' dad look at it.

He thinks my hard drive died.

So, I am typing this at work.
So I won't have a computer over the weekend because the kids' computer screen died on Tuesday.
So I am definately taking mine in today
So I have no idea if they can recover anything (thankfully it is only a couple months worth of stuff and all the pictures are still on my camera disk)
I still have one payment left on this computer and really don't relish the idea of more payments.
Hopefully- if they can't fix this one- they can just sell me a new hard drive and I won't need a whole new computer because remember that whole healing thing? I really want to heal the bank account and this being paid off was going to be the first step on that path.

Is it ok to pray for my hard drive? Because I am.

So I will not have access to a computer all weekend. And that is ok. I don't mind being unplugged from electronics- I have cleaning, organizing, indoor soccer, laundry... but I will miss e-mail. And hopefully I will be plugged back in soon.

Indeed

Lookin' Out My Front Door

2012-01-15T15:31:00.000-07:00

I had an idea in November or December. I was going to take a picture each month of the year on the same day to document the changing of the world. My plan at the time was to do it on the first day of the month. I think the fact that the first of January was on a Sunday kind of through me off, though because I got sidetracked with church and family stuff.

So I changed my plan to the 15th of the month. Now to see how well I do with keeping up with this.

So here is the view from my front door today.

I know- January 15 and no snow!! and if you looked close enough you would see that the trees are starting to form little buds-- So not good, people!

Indeed

What I Really, Really Want

2012-01-12T10:01:00.000-07:00

Bastian had shown the lion the inscription on the reverse side of the Gem. 'What do you suppose it means?' he asked. '"DO WHAT YOU WISH"' That must mean I can do anything I feel like. Don't yo think so?"

All at once Grograman's face looked alarmingly grave, and his eyes glowe.
"No," he said in his deep, rumbling voice. "It means that you must do what you really and truly want. And nothing is more difficult."

"What I really and truly want? What do you mean by that?"

"It's your own deepest secret and you yourself don't know it."

"How can I find out?"

"By going the way of your wishes, from one to another, from first to last. It will take you to what you really and truly want."

"That doesn't sound so hard," said Bastian.

"It is the most dangerous of all journeys."

"Why?" Bastian asked. "I'm not afraid."

"That isn't it," Grograman rumbled. "It requires the greatest honesty and vigilance, because there's no other journey on which it's so easy to lose yourself forever."
The Neverending Story
Michael Ende

I had this discussion with my friend the other day, how we as humans, despite all our half hearted efforts, live our lives waiting for something to make our life better. How we think we will be happy "when _______". When we graduate, lose that last 10 pounds, get married, have kids, get the job... whatever.

I have come to realize that for a very long time this is what I did, I lived in the future in my head and was frustrated when life didn't mimic fantasy. When my thoughts- spoken or unspoken- didn't automatically come to be, as in the story, always there with no beginning just always existing because I thought it so.

After living last year trying to live with integrity, I can no longer live obliviously like that. No, I am now very much aware when I start trying to wish my life into existence. And despite what Bastian thought it is not easy and it is scary. And Grograman is right, it is very easy to lose one's self if one does not use complete honesty and vigilance.

I have never read The Neverending Story before and have only seen bits and pieces of the movie. Brandi had the book, read it and hated it and wanted to give it to D.I. but I took it out of the pile and because I wanted to read it at least once. I am not sure what I think about it, but when I read the above passage the other night, I knew I wanted to make it my own as I go through this year of healing. Because I am feeling that in order to heal, I need to get real and get honest and figure out what exactly it is that I really and truly want. What my deepest, darkest secret that even I myself don't know yet.

And it is the journey itself to find it that will heal and give me happiness ever after.

Indeed

To everything there is a season

2012-01-02T14:59:00.000-07:00

Ecclesiastes 3

My sister picks a word to live by and to help guide her life each year. A fews years ago I adopted that practice for my life. I had no clue the paths that would take me. Last year I knew where I wanted to go, who I wanted to be, and how I wanted to get there and it was with that in mind that I chose Living with Integrity as my guide for the year.

I am no where near where I thought I would be today. In fact I am at a place I would never have dreamed working on things I thought were beyond hope, with understanding far beyond anything I could imagine. I know that there are those in my life that do not understand where I am, but unless you walked my journey you cannot understand it (I barely understand it).

2011 was a hard, hard year for my family. Our hearts were ripped out, stomped on and ravaged in ways we never believed possible. We learned to really and truly forgive, we learned about accountability and responsibility, we learned about what love is and what it isn't, we learned about psychological disorders and illness and the differences between those disorders that are choices and those that are not, we learned about acceptance, we learned about prayer and how to truly pray for what you want and not just pray, we learned how to figure out what it is you really want, and we are trying to learn to trust in the Lord.

Someday I'll tell you the story, but right now it is not all my story to tell.

It was with all of that in mind that I began searching for what I wanted 2012 to be, who I want to be, where I want my family to be and who I want it to become.

I picked and discarded at least a dozen words until one day it just came to me: Ecclesiatstes 3, the entire chapter, but verse 3 in particular- A time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up

This is a year that we, I, need to heal. There was a time I knew what that meant, but after this last month of prayer and contemplation and cummonion with the Lord, I am not sure I know anymore. I do know that there are specific areas of my life that need healed:
work, bank account, relationships, my body and health. And there are ways that I think they should be healed, but I don't believe that any of that will be what really happens. Simply because I know that what I know, and what I can see right now, is not the big picture. So as I go forward I will try to trust the Lord and do as He asks and directs, but I will keep in mind that when I pray, I am asking Him to help me heal these areas in my life in His way.

Theme for the family to help guide family home evenings this year: we chose Listening to and living by the Spirit

I was talking with the kids' father the other day about the horribleness of 2011. I told him I was sorry that the biggest thing in our lives happened, but I was happy for one reason, it started us talking and dealing with issues we have been sweeping away for decades and ignoring, hoping they would just go away. He agreed that that part is a good thing. Right now we are not sure what we are going to do with those things, but I do know that they are going to be part of the healing of 2012- no matter what path that takes us.

** on another note, today I was going to post pictures of Brandi's first haircut. A couple of months ago I turned the caring of her hair over to her. She is 12 now and doing her hair is time consuming and hard and she would balk when I told her it was time to do it. With me working 2 jobs I no longer have time to fight her over doing her hair. 2 months ago she had a full head of beautiful hair. Today when we got to the beauty shop and the beautician took the pony tail holders out and I saw what was there, I cried.

Brandi has long hair in the front part of her head, about a 4 inch swath. She then has 3 pony tail patches in the back and the rest of her head is covered in scalp length baby down hair where it has broken off at the root. I didn't know because she keeps it pulled back in a pony tail so it covers the missing hair. She didn't realize it had broken off either.

The beautician gave us the choice of cutting it all off the same length and starting over or leaving it and wearing it in a pony tail all the time to cover it. Brandi started crying and asked to leave so we did. She has spent the last 3 hours crying. So have I. I know it is because she didn't listen to me about what to do and when to do it, but I can't tell her that right now because it would sound too much like, "I told you so". If I had chosen, I would have had it all cut to the same length, but this is her hair and has to be her choice, which I am sure she will make in a couple of weeks, but until then, my heart is hurting for my baby. So much of a woman's identity is in her hair, and when you have black hair, you have so few choices and this is so hard for her.

Let the healing begin.

Indeed

Merry Christmas Everyone

2011-12-25T10:12:00.000-07:00

Indeed

Silent Night

2011-12-24T05:14:00.001-07:00

Indeed

Wise Men

2011-12-23T10:05:00.002-07:00

Indeed

Christmas Random

2011-12-22T20:34:00.000-07:00

Just a few thoughts on the Christmas spirit

*Last Saturday while I was at the post office mailing a package to Matthew, Jessica called me to tell me that someone from the Kiawanas club had just come by to drop off a turkey and a bag of potatoes. I cried.

*Last night I had just gotten ready for bed when the door bell rang. By the time I got my robe on Jake had made it to the front door. No one was there but the front porch had a case of canned goods along with two grocery bags and 1 garbage bag full of food. I cried again.

* I am really glad that yesterday was my last day working at Target until after Christmas. It is crazy busy there and from the moment I sign in to my register until I go home I never stop checking things out. Mostly the people are nice and patient when the lines get long, but there are some that would try the patience of a saint. And I really appreciated the kindess of the customer when I dropped her candle and broke it while I was bagging it. And the couple that told me they had been in Silver City the week before on their way to Las Cruses to visit their granddaughter.

*But the customer that made me cry? And I still tear up when I think about it? A little 4 year old boy. He was there with his mom, his 2 year old brother and 3 month old brother. They put a couple of trucks and some wrapping paper on the belt. I heard the mom say to him, "I don't know if we need to wrap it, I'll find out" So I asked him, "Did you choose this to give to someone special?"

He looked at me and said, "Some widdle boys don't have prwesents, so I getted it to give to dem."

I don't know why, but the tears just started falling. I have seen customers purchasing for families, secret Santas, sub for Santa, angel tree gifts, toys for tots, etc. but for some reason this one touched my heart. In fact the tears are falling again as I type this and I think of this little family.

I wiped my eyes and said to his mom "Thank you for teaching him this." She was afraid that the reality was lost on him. I agreed that it possibly is right now, but told her that he would feel it in his heart. And that if she continued to teach him about giving then soon he would look forward to giving to others and eventually she would see that her sons would be going out of their way year round to help others.
I told the little boy that some little boy was going to be very happy because of his giving and that it made my heart happy that he was giving to others.

And that, my friends, is the real Christmas spirit.

Indeed

Joy to the World

2011-12-06T06:50:00.000-07:00

I know I post it every year, but I don't have time to blog lately and this is the song that I find living in my brain when all is quiet and the song I wanted to blast this morning as I was getting ready for work so I thought I would share it with you.

(and I know that it is the song that will come on when I turn on the car, because I set the CD there when I got out last night)

Indeed

I'm Readin' a Book

2011-11-14T13:39:00.002-07:00

Brandi says this reminds her of me. I don't know why, I have never said this. (thought it but not said it)

Indeed

Compass of God

2011-11-08T21:37:00.000-07:00

"Marriage is about the certainty of an agreement... It's the most important contract you'll ever undertake..." ishmael paused long enough to look into the eyes of each of his daughters. "Your search for marriage isn't so much the present concern of a husband, but a promise for the future of your children, the future of our family, and the future of the Jewish people. Marriage is the great circle linking us together through all the generations of time, the beginning of a sacred agreement of posterity forged in this world and flowering through all of eternity. When all the judges of Judah are gone, when the kings have passed on, when the tax collectors, soldiers, captains,k and scribes of the Jews are no more, and the law of Moses is fulfilled, when all of us have passed from this life, in heaven family will replace the governments of men."

That passage is from the back of volume 5 of The Promised Land series by David G. Woolley.
Everyone knows that as far as I am concerned David could write the phone book and I would gush over it and find it riviting reading. But to tell the truth I would much rather read one of his novels than the phone book and so it was with unbridled giddiness that ripped open my package from Deseret Book and barricaded myself in my room for what I knew would be pure reading heaven.

I wish it had happened that way- the ripping open of the package happened but I had to go to work so I had to wait five hours before the reading could begin and then I could only read a short amount because it was late and I had to get up early for the other job. Now, here was my dillema- it is always a dillema with David's books- do I read the entire book then the chapter notes, or the chapter then the notes then the next chapter then the notes, etc, or the chapter notes then the book? I just never know and have done it all those ways because if you don't read the chapter notes you really miss out on a wealth of information. I can only imagine the wealth of knowledge bouncing around in David's head. I am glad that he uses chapter notes to give us valuable background and knowledge to help understand the culture and other nuances of the story instead of the boring info dump so many authors use that pull you out of the story.

I am also really glad that I don't have to know all of that background stuff to know that the gospel, or the scriptures are true or that Heavenly Father answers our prayers, because if I had to know all of that, I would be in serious trouble.

But I digress. Where was I? Oh yes, the long awaited Volume 5, I won't turn this into the long awaited review of volume 5.

I loved this installment as much as the others. However, this volume is a bit different than the other volumes. In books 1-4 there was a lot of political stuff going on and the love relationships were a side note, background to the main stories of intrigue and upheavals going in the world of Lehi and his family. This book however finds the intrigue and upheaval taking a background setting as the romance of relationships takes center stage. We become better aquainted with Ishmael and his daughters- will their betrothed ever return to marry them, or will the girls find love elsewhere?

Of course, having read the Book of Mormon many times I knew the answer to that, but how it would happen is what interested me. And I was not disappointed. I have felt all the emotions, worries, stress, doubt that the daughters felt. I identified at different times with all of them. And found each and every story written in wonderful, descriptive, emotive language. I was equally sad, happy, confused, scared along with them. But I was most moved by Elizabeth's story. I wondered how exactly David would write this part of the story, how he would make it what it should be. The scene where Elizabeth was done picking apples and walking home truly brought tears to my eyes. It could have been cliche and silly, but it wasn't- it was perfect, like coming home, comfortable and right. And I wouldn't change a thing about it.

Nora- I think I disliked her throughout most of the novel. I wanted to take her by the shoulders and shake her and I wondered how her story would play out since it did not appear that she was headed in the right direction. But toward the end of the book I began to understand her a bit more and by the end I even felt a kinship with her. I think that in her case my favorite Dr. Phil saying would apply to her-- "Sometimes you make the right decision, and sometimes you make the decision right"

If I could change one thing about this volume it would be the length. I felt the last chapter was a bit condensed and rushed. But something I can live with if it means volume six is not far away. Let''s get this family to the Land of Promise.

And something good about the long wait in between books? I get to reread them all so I am fresh with the story.

Thank you, David, for this story.

Indeed

November 1

2011-11-01T21:34:00.000-06:00

Today I am thankful for a loving Father in Heaven that has helped me learn how to listen to my body and help it be healthy

Indeed

Halloween 2011

2011-10-31T21:28:00.000-06:00

This is what I wore to work

Kinda wish I had worn it for the ward party, too

Brandi went as a Nerd

All the gang at work

Ok.

I wanted to be a piece of candy.

I choose candy corn because in my mind I had a really awesome idea

and it looked really, really pretty and clever, and cute.

And easy to do.

Some orange tights for the orange bottom of the candy

A fluffy tutu for cuteness

A yellow shirt for the yellow middle (and I already had one)

A white hat for the white top part

I looked in the mirror after I got dressed and knew it wasn't what I was going for.

But I had no time to change because we were already late because I had run some errands after school

So when people guessed I was a duck-

"What a cute duck, why do I never think of these cute ideas?'

"Oh I love your feathers!"

"Not sure what you are, but it is totally you"

Only one person walked around the corner, saw me and said

"Candy corn! I love it!"

(but I suspect he overheard me explaining it to someone else, even though he insists he

knew the minute he saw me)

But I did see a costume that helped me figure out how to do a peacock

and I have wanted to do a peacock of years and years.

So maybe next year there will be no epic fail of a costume

(and besides, this picture makes me look totally fat

and you can't tell I have lost 30+ pounds since May)

Jessica, Allison (Brandi's friend), Brandi

Allison as a Zombie

Brandi as a Nerd

Brandi by herself

Jessica decided at the last moment how she wanted to dress.

She choose to go as Kerli-- a singer from Astonia or somewhere like that

I think she did an amazing job

And here is proof that Jess can wear anything and look good

Even a garbage sack!!

Indeed

Halloween costume

2011-10-24T19:23:00.001-06:00

I am doing two costumes this year. I kept asking if the secretaries were doing a theme costume this year as they have in the past. Everyone kept saying "I don't know." So I decided what I wanted to do and made it. Friday I got an e-mail saying we had voted and the decision was to do a Pirate theme so please dress as a pirate on halloween. Thing is- I never voted or even knew there was a vote. So, what to do- I have a pirate costume in my stash in my closet so that is no problem, but really? I already made my costume and I wasn't asked to participate in the vote but now I am being asked to participate in the wearing? So-- do I be obstinate and say, "I asked and you said nothing and I already had a costume." Or do I suck it up and wear the pirate costume (I love mine).

Or third choice- wear the pirate costume to school, then change to the other one for the ward Trunk or Treat? That is the option I chose. No waves at work and I get to wear both.

So, the second costume? consists of :

Orange tights, Yellow t-shirt and a white cap

Can you guess?

I really hope it turns out the way I picture it in my mind.

Pictures to come.

Indeed

Halloween project

2011-10-23T19:22:00.000-06:00

I wanted some new Halloween decor. I saw this on Pintrest and loved it.

I had this

and this

in my craft stash for a couple of years and had no idea what to do with it. Last week I went with the marching to a competition. I had 2 hours in the car (both ways but it was dark coming home). I figured I could do something with that time. So while the band was practicing before we hooked up the trailer and pulled out, I cut the tulle into strips. Then once we were on our way, I turned those strips and the disk into this:

And a close up

I have another disk sitting in my craft stash. I think I will use red and white tulle and do a wreath for Christmas.

Indeed

Random Randomness

2011-10-17T22:25:00.000-06:00

I'm tired. I have been going with the marching band to their competitions. They are doing great this year and I love their show. I will go with them tomorrow to The Davis Cup and won't be home till late- midnightish, so I'll still be tired.

Next week I am going with the band to St. George for three days. I am going with the trailer so it will be kind of a mini vacation for me. My own car, my own room and I can decide when I want to be with the kids on their adventures (except for the actual competition)

Guess what was in the mail when I got home today? This. I have been waiting ever so long for it. But I am not waiting till next week to start reading. I would have started already, but I had to work at Target tonight.

My friend, Noelle, and her husband came through my line. It was good to see them, but of course they are worried about their little one. Send an extra prayer for them if you would.

No school this Thursday and Friday. I think I may be able to get my yard weeded- finally. and my front entry painted. and maybe even get my storage room stuff straightned up and put back out of my family room.

I hope it doesn't rain tomorrow night.

I interviewed a couple weeks ago at a charter school. I didn't say anything because I have had so many disappointments lately, but I really want this one. I have no idea why I still don't have a counseling position. I keep saying, "It'll happen when it is right" but I am trying to not get discouraged. Maybe the thing in my life that is supposed to happen when that happens really isn't supposed to happen yet? Ya, I am just as confused about that sentence.

Well, I am going to go start reading before it is so late I regret it in the morning.

Indeed

Halloween is coming

2011-10-08T21:59:00.000-06:00

It's October. That means it is time to get out the decorations. But I am in the middle of painting and getting rid of, and pairing down the things in my home. But I still wanted to decorate for the holidays. So after Ethan painted my living room for me the other day, I had him get out the Halloween decorations for me. So even though I still have a few boxes sitting in this room that I need to go through and I still have stuff downstairs that I haven't brought back up I still wanted to decorate. So here you go, my Halloween decorations.

I wanted to do black and white

decor this year.

So I choose to put it on this wall and table.

I love those 4 little ghosts sitting at the front of the table

And I love that they have lights in them

that change colors

I saw this cute decoration and wanted one

This is my version

I want to add a ribbon around the top of the jar

This is the bookcase it is sitting in

And my mantle.

The spiderweb/pumpkin decoration on the right side

is really on its last leg this year.

I am really going to have

to decide if it goes back

into the box this year or the garbage.

And that makes me sad

because I have had it for

20 years and really love it.

Maybe I'll just have to make a new one

Indeed

Did you guess?

2011-10-07T09:21:00.001-06:00

Yep, my chair at one of Brandi's soccer games

So far this season they are in first place and they are playing AMAZING! Brandi is playing mostly defense this season, but every once in a while they put her in as a forward. She can play pretty much every position and I love watching her. When she runs her legs remind me of a gazelle. Some day I will take a video of her running and compare it to a video of a gazelle and see how right I am.

Indeed

What am I

2011-10-06T04:17:00.001-06:00

I've been playing around with the camera on my phone.

Can you guess what this is and where I was?

Indeed

Good news/Bad news

2011-10-04T20:32:00.000-06:00

Good news- I haven't heard that the job I interviewed for last week is gone
Bad news- I haven't heard back about the job I interviewed for last week

Good news- When I went to the doctor I found out I have lost 25 lbs since last year and he took me off one of my meds
Bad new- The reason I don't feel so great lately? I need surgery to repair some stuff

Good news- the surgeon has an open appointment
Bad news- it isn't until November. Hopefully his surgery schedule will work with my time off work schedule

Good news- I got my room painted and the furniture put back
Bad news- I still haven't sifted through all the boxes of stuff I am not sure I want anymore

Good news- the living room is taped to paint
Bad news- after the doctor today I hurt too much to paint.
(maybe tomorrow the good new will be that my kids did it while I was at work?)
Even worse news- my kitchen is full of stuff from the living room for me to sort through and the basement is full as well. Who knew a house could hold so much junk? It seems the harder I work to clean up the messier it gets.

Good news- I am getting it done, slowly and surely
Bad news- I want it all done before surgery so I can recover in tranquility- will it happen?

Good news- I think I have found my way out of my recent months of funk and can accept my current circumstances for what they are
Bad news- no promises when the circumstances change

Good news- My friend, Noelle? Her baby is doing better
Bad news- she is still in the hospital- pray for her
read her story here

Good news- That little Emily is a fighter and cute as a button
Bad news- there is no bad news to counter that because she is a cutie- so I guess the bad news would be that she is still in the hospital and not at home

Good news- Autumn rain
Bad news- the weatherman used the "s" word for the mountains this week

Indeed

Do you see me?

2011-09-29T20:41:00.001-06:00

How many times a day do you ask someone how they are doing?
"How are you?"
"I'm fine. You?"
"Doing well."

We all have those conversations and we all know that neither one of us really care what the answer is and we are really hoping that the other person doesn't tell us how they are really doing/feeling/thinking. And if the other person actually does tell us we don't know how to respond.

Unless we really do care how they are doing and then we hope they can sense that we really do care and tell us how they are. And if we do tell someone how we are doing, we hope that they really do care.

I have had a really hard time the last six months. Physically I have been ~~tired~~ exhausted. Mentally preoccupied. Emotionally battered and bruised. And through it all I say I am doing fine. Unless you are my Bishop, Relief Society president, Visiting Teacher, close friend or Mom. Or therapist. Then when you ask you hand me a box of kleenex and bring a rag to mop up the floor when the uncontrollable tears finally slow to a trickle.

But to most people, acquantinces, co-workers, ward members I am just a strong person and am doing great. What they don't know is how often I am a mess. A curled up on my bed, sobbing my heart out mess.

Yesterday I was in the lunch room running a till just like any other normal Wednesday. One of my colleagues came in to get his lunch. When we finished his transaction he asked me how I was doing. And I gave him the normal, standard I'm fine answer. His reply? "Are you really?" I looked up into his eyes and started to say yes but he said, "Come here" and put his arms around me and gave me a hug and I almost broke down right then and there. He pulled back and said, "Are you really fine?" and I answered with the truth- no, no I'm not, but I will be. and thank you.

Now this may or may not sem weird to you, but let me tell you about this colleague. He is tall, he is funny, he is married and has nine kids, he reads- a lot, he teaches the ASL class and he is deaf (one time I was subbing a distance ed. class that meets in his room when he doesn't have a class. I needed to turn up the t.v. but couldn't find the remote. I asked him how to turn up the t.v. and he grabbed the remote, looked at me and said- you have to tell me when or I will blast you out. I'm deaf you know. then he started pushing the up volume button)

What struck me about this whole encounter was the fact that there are colleagues that I spend a lot more time with. Colleagues that I spend more time in conversation, though he and I do have some pretty good conversations- did I tell you he was really funny? Colleagues that ask me how I am doing. Colleagues that are counselors even. But the one person that knew and understood not only that I wasn't ok, that things were not great, that I just really needed a hug and to be told it would be ok, is the one person that had to look at me when he spoke to me. The one person that can not rely on my fake voice inflections to convey my meaning. The one person that looked at my eyes and saw inside to my reality.

And I began to ponder how often I take words at face value and let a student, a colleague, a person go on their way because I forgot to see the person in front of me?

Indeed

Pumpkin Roll

2011-09-28T06:10:00.000-06:00

Just in time for Halloween comes a new book from Josi Kilpack. I loved this book and I think it is the best so far of the Sadie Hoffmiller series. In fact, at one point I was reading this at night and had to put it down because it was dark outside and too scary to induce sleep later. Josi just keeps getting better and better.

From the back:
As Halloween approaches, Sadie is looking forward to spending her favorite baking season of the year making delicious New England recipes in boston, Massachusetts, with her favorite leading man, Pete Cunningham, as they babysit his three young grandsons. When the bosy insist that Mrs. Wapple, the woman who lives across the street, is a witch, Sadie and Pete are anxious to distract the boys from such silly ideas.

Josi has outdone herself this time as she serves up a mystery worthy of the spooky season. I usually have the mystery solved pretty early in the book but this time I kept changing my mind about who done it up until almost the end. I only guessed the real culprit mere pages before it was revieled.

And the recipes in this book are amazing. As a member of the test kitchen, I should know. But they are recipes that my children keep asking me to make. In fact Jacob is disappointed that it has been awhile since I made Baxter's Clam Chowder- but really, when it was 90+ degrees outside I just was not in the mood for a hot soup! But if fall ever gets here, this is one that will be on the stove frequently.

Get it, read it, love it.
Pumpkin Roll by Josi Kilpack

Indeed

Possibilities

2011-09-16T10:45:00.000-06:00

Oh the rapture of possibilities. And the fear of unrealized dreams.

I have the possibility of a full time counseling position. There is an immediate opening that I just learned about. It has not even posted anywhere. I e-mailed the contact and they want to set up a meeting.

Fervent prayers from my house.

Indeed

Questions?

2011-09-14T15:40:00.000-06:00

I got a new counseling game. Ok, its not really a counseling game, but it is great in that setting. Included in the game are some ideas/questions/suggestions of things the participates comment on. The answers give a lot of insight to the other participants. What the person doesn't say also tells a lot. Brandi loves playing the game with the deck of cards that deal with the surface topics because it lets us get to know each other better- you know things like "Talk about your favorite food", "If you could spend the next 24 hours doing anything you want, what would that be", "What is your favorite food".
Deck 2 delves a bit deeper. "If you could make a law that people would live by, what would it be", "If you have ever had a nightmare, tell about it", "What do you do when you feel embarrassed"

I was going through the cards looking for some questions for a group I am running at the school and thought that some of these would be great blog topics when I can't think of anything to blog about. Like today.

So today's question is:
What is an important lesson you have learned about life?

I have learned that no matter how much you plan, expect curve balls and know that things don't always turn out the way you want or imagine they will. And when things happen it is ok to be sad and cry. Everyday if you need to. But then someday, in the future, you will be happy.

What is your important lesson about life?

Indeed

What's in your basket?

2011-08-31T14:45:00.000-06:00

When I am ringing up your purchases at Target, I try not to pay attention to exactly what it is that you are purchasing. Truly I do. But sometimes I can't help it. And on those occasions I do try not to judge you, because who knows why you are purchasing said items or if they are even for you or someone else, like your little old aunt that lives in your basement apartment.

And while I try not to judge you, I try even harder not to laugh out loud. And I do try to keep the secret smile to myself.

Like when you come in every week to purchase two dozen iced donuts, three packages of Oreos, a case of Twinkies and a six-pack of Slim Fast.

Or Sparkling Cider and birth control. I always laugh to myself when I say "Thank you and have a nice evening"

Or when you purchase 4 bags of M&Ms, assorted cookies and chips and salsa. And hot dogs and buns. And Pepto Bismal.

Children's toys, batteries for the toys, earplugs and Excedrin.

And sometimes I find it amusing enough to share with the world.

Indeed

Sleight of Hand

2011-08-30T05:33:00.001-06:00

When Daniel, a fifty-five-year-old con man, suffers a heart attack and dies, he meets his guardian angel, Jonah, on the other side. Jonah shows him to a beautiful cabin and tells him this will be his eternal home. Daniel is sure he was able to scam his way into heaven—he scammed everyone on earth, so why not heaven too? But as he spends time in his cabin, all alone, he realizes that he’s actually in a wasteland. Jonah presents him with a way to escape, but will Daniel want to pay the price for his freedom?

I really enjoyed this book. It is another quick read, but the development of Daniel's character is not sleighted at all. At the beginning of the book I really did not like Daniel at all, but as he learned and grew and changed, he became someone I could root for and hope that he would make the necessary changes and realize and learn the things he needed to learn in order to become the person he truly should be. I think the thing that made the changes in Daniel believable to me and not just words on a page, was that Daniel himself did not realize the changes that were taking place in the way he thought and acted, and when the final choice came I think even he was surprised by the actual choice that he does make.

For some reason, as I was reading this book, I was reminded of The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis. However I cannot figure out why because the books are nothing at all alike, but still, I felt myself wanting to go pick up Mr. Lewis' book and re-read it.

I recieved this book as a PDF for my review, and I will not be deleting it from my laptop. I will keep it and read it again.

Purchase book here

Indeed

Simple addition?

2011-08-29T04:26:00.001-06:00

∑ all parts should equal the whole, right?

I was discussing this with my counselor the other day. We concluded that my identity has been taken up by the labels "wife" and "mother" for so long, that who I really am has gotten lost and now that I am trying to figure out who I am, I don't know how to seperate the labels from the actuality of being.

So he gave me an assignment to spend the two weeks between appointments to figure out who Sandra is.

My niece wrote about this not too long ago. And I had already been thinking about it when I read her post. This week I need to report on my progress of figuring out who I am without using the words wife or mom. A hard assignment when

A) one believes that being both wife and mom is the purpose she was sent to earth

B) one has spent more of her life being one and/or the other than not

C) one lives in a world that defines a person by occupation instead of character traits

Last week I came across an article that I thought might help me as a starting point to pull together all the thoughts mulling in my head. Because really I am more than the sum of all my labels- mom, wife, daughter, sister, friend, counselor, teacher. Those labels tell you what I am, what I do but not who I am. And figuring that out has been harder than I thought it would because the what of me is such a part of the who of me. I don't know how to separate them. Each of them is an integral part of the other and pulling them apart and inspecting them one by one takes time and emotional energy.

What I have found is that the simple addition of who I am is not really simple. In fact I think some of the equation is always missing because what I see is not what others see at any given time. I had my 90 day evaluation at Target the other day and I got a perfect score in all six areas. Then the supervisor told me something that she didn't tell the others during their evaluations- I do more transaction than any other cashier. And not just a few more- the numbers show a lot more. And she told me that there are guests that come in asking if I am at work because they want me to help them. But even this is not a whole picture of who I am, just a small snapshot of a particular moment in time. But the sum of all that I am goes into making that snapshot.

So, I am still left with writing a profile of who I am, of what makes me, me without the labels. But in the disecting of the equation, I am finding that I am liking the parts and am looking forward to putting it all back together and finding the true answer to who I am when no one is looking.

Indeed

All That Was Promised

2011-08-23T05:00:00.001-06:00

All That Was Promised
Vickie Hall

From the back of the book:
Ben's expression registered his surprisse. "You're a minister?" he asked, curiously. Richard cleared his throat as a telling grin tweisted his mouth. "Aye, that I am."
Ben nodded and smiled.
Leah returned to the compact parlor and gave the missionary a scant glance. "Do you find that amusin', Mr. Lachlan?"
"No, not at all," he replied sincerely. "People from all walks of life recognize the truth of the gospel."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
An encounter with a Mormon missionary and his unusual message of a "restored gospel" leaves Richard Kenyon, a young Methodist minister, questioning his life's work when he cannot deny a growing testimony of this peculiar American religion. But Richard soon finds himself struggling to recognize the promised blessings of the gospel when violent persecution shakes the fledgling Church in Wales.
Told with passion and heart, All That Was Promised is a riveting tale of the challenges early Welsh Church members faced. This stunning debut by Vickie Hall is guaranteed to uplift and inspire long after the story ends.
**********************************************************************

My thoughts:
All That Was Promised is a quick read. I enjoyed the time I spent with the Kenyon family as they learn about the gospel and then find their way in a community that is not welcoming of this strange, new religion, especially when one of their favorite ministers embraces and joins.

While I enjoyed this story, I do have one issue with the book and I am not sure it is even something Vickie Hall could change if she wanted to- the length of the book. In this genre of book, publishers like to see a certain length of book, which gives an author a limited amount of space to develop characters and tell their story. I would have liked to have had more time with the characters as they learn and change their life viewpoints. I would have liked to see more of their struggles with change as they explore their own hearts. But I do understand the space limitations of spending the time I would like on each character and the thoughts and feelings that lead them to their own individual results- both the good and the tragic. And there is both in this book.

If you enjoy LDS historical fiction, you will enjoy this story.

Here is the purchase link for the novel

Here is the author’s site: http://www.vickiehall.com/

Here is the author’s blog: http://www.authorvickiehall.blogspot.com/

Indeed

Picnic time

2011-08-17T05:41:00.001-06:00

Tuesday I had a day off. Rare because it was a day off from everything- except therapy on my foot which is a vacation, really.
Chores were pretty much done or choosing to be ignored because they woud take more help than was available- like clearing out the storage room. So we had a whole day stretching before us. I was going to use it to re-braid Brandi's hair, but the girls suggested taking Hunter and going on a picnic. That sounded more fun that braiding hair or clearing out the storage room, so we got Hunter and then Jake and his friend Dani came home so they went with us, we went to the store and got food and headed up the canyon.

Here is what an impromtu picnic looks like

Back in December we made gingerbread houses and took pictures. Somehow my camera got icing on the lens cap/shutter thing that opens up to reveal the lens when I turn it on. I have cleaned it but it still sticks sometimes.

I decided to take a few pictures with it stuck partially shut.

I like the way these turned out

Hunter took this last picture

Indeed

Would You...

2011-08-16T12:23:00.000-06:00

Question:

If you had the chance to go here

And someone else was paying for your plane ticket, hotel room and food and the only thing you had to pay for was any extra daily activities and small incidentals and extras

And they would be working all day because this is a business trip for them so you would have all day to yourself to do whatever you wanted to do

And you have never been here. Or anywhere else like it

And you really, really need a vacation

And your kids are old enough to take care of themselves for seven days

And you have no illusions or delusions about why this other person would be willing to have you there and a looooong and detailed discussion about expectations and results has already taken place

Would you go?

I don't get it

2011-08-08T22:19:00.000-06:00

Remeber this?

I don't get why I always feel this way. Really.
I have a friend that told me the other day that I inspire her. Really?

My counselor told me during our last session, after I told him some feelings that I have never dared say outloud because only someone that has gone through what I have would understand, that I inspire him. Huh?

My bishop told me the other day that he thinks I am amazing and am an inspiration to him. Really? Me?

I had a customer come through my line Saturday and tell me that she was glad I was working. And that everytime she comes to the store she walks by every register to see if I am there so she can go through my line because she prefers the way I handle a transaction. And I would be creeped out and be feeling stalked if she were the only customer to tell me that, but she isn't. And I don't get it. What is so special about me?

Today at work one of the managers took me aside and told me that the other team members really like me and they all want to work the same shift as I do and that they could not say enough good things about me and he just wanted me to know that. Me?, Why?

And I just don't get it. I always feel like I am on the outside looking in. Like the girl that is invited to the party because the mom made you send me an invitation. Like if I wasn't there no one would notice. Or care.

And if I am so wonderful, nice, efficient or whatever then why do I feel like my whole life is a mess? Falling apart? A failure?

And I could give you evidence for why that is true, because we all know that when we believe something we start looking for evidence to prove it to ourselves. Like how I don't have a full time counseling job. How my house is never as clean as I would like it. How I failed at the most important relationship in life. How...

Never mind that my head tells me that I will get a counseling job. That the economy will change, hopefully for the better, that someone will retire, or leave or there are new schools being built and I will find the right position. Eventually. Somewhere. My heart still doubts.

Or that my house is not condemable and I am slowly making progress and that the last 3 years I was working full time, going to school full time and trying to do what I had to do and that I can only do what I can do. My heart still tells me it is not good enough.

Or that intellectually I know that the failure had more to do with his issues and selfishness than anything I did or didn't do and even if I had been perfect in everyway it still wouldn't have mattered. My heart still says- "fail, fail, fail!"

So when I hear things that tell me otherwise, I don't get it and I feel a bit like Sally Fields.

Indeed

A letter from my Brother

2011-08-07T17:43:00.002-06:00

Music is powerful and amazing teacher. Hymns even more so, especially if your heart is open to the lesson. My favorite lessons are those from our sacrament hymns

I have sung this song many times. I also knew that it was written from the perspective of our Lord and Savior. This song has also brought me to tears many times. However, this morning as we were singing it, I heard it as a letter from my beloved Brother. My Brother willing to die for me. A letter He sent just to me to help me as I go through this life and more importantly, right now as I go through trial and strife in my life.

I would like to share this loving letter from my Brother, because He means it for you, too.

"Reverently and meekly now,let thy head most humbly bow. Think of me, thou ransomed one; think what I for thee have done with my blood that dripped like rain, sweat in agony of pain. With my body on the tree, I have ransomed even thee.

In this bread now blest for thee, emblem of my body see. In this water or this wine, emblem of my blood divine. Oh, remember what was done that the sinner might be won. On the cross of Calvary I have suffered death for thee.

Bid thine heart all strife to cease. With thy brethren be at peace. Oh, forgive as thou wouldst be even forgiven now by me. In the solemn faith of prayer, cast upon me all thy care and my spirit's grace shall be like a fountain unto thee.

At the throne I intercede. For thee ever do I plead. I have loved thee as thy friend, with a love that cannot end. Be obedient, I implore, prayerful, watchful evermore. And be constant unto me, that thy Savior I may be."

Indeed

Random Stuff

2011-08-03T23:17:00.000-06:00

* I was just getting ready to write- "when do you let your daughter start wearing make-up. Brandi is 12 and starting Junior High school this year. Do I broach the subject or wait for her?" Brandi walked into my room and asked, "Can I wear make-up? That stuff that comes in a yellow tube and you put on your lashes and the stuff you put on your eyes?"
Guess we get some of that stuff when we go shopping in the morning.

*I just went through my closet again. I tried on everything and evaluated how it fit. And if I had even worn it in the last school year more than once. And discarded another whole large garbage bag full of clothes. And somehow I still have a closet full of clothes! But I do still need to replace my black and my grey dress pants. And my 2 favorite skirt suits need to be replaced because they are too big as well. My favorite dress is about 2 1/2 sizes too big. I wonder if my sister could take it in for me and if it would even be worth it? I really, really like this dress.

* I had a yard sale Saturday. I didn't sell as much as I would have liked to, but I still did pretty good. And I had the kids' dad bring by his trailer afterward and took out all but the front seats and loaded up the entire suburban, the trailer and the entire back of my durango and hauled it all to D.I. thrift store. When I came home I found a couple bags of stuff that had gotten buried under other stuff and not set out for the sale or hauled off. That was from a first, quick cleaning of all the rooms in the house. Now I hope to do a more thorough cleansing of each room.

* I really want to paint each room. I want to get rid of all my dishes and start over. And do the same with all the towels, blankets, curtains, and furniture. I really want to cleanse this house inside and out. But I can't afford to do that, and I don't plan on staying here very much longer. But I can paint and declutter and clean and simplify.

*Target has a program that gives back to education. Right now they are doing a push to have customers sign up for their red card (debit card). Sometimes I feel pushy when I ask guests if they want to sign up. Our store is doing a game for the cashiers so we ask more guests than those that the computer prompts us to ask. (on a side note, if you feel like you would like a Target Red card, let me know and I will get you info- and give you my number to use so I get the credit and another chance to win the prize)

*I love my Target red card. I have had one for almost seven years. I get 5% off of every purchase, online and at the store. (now I also get an employee discount on top of that- sweet. Can you guess where we are shopping for school clothes tomorrow?) Did you know that with a Target red card you can link it to the school of your choice and Target will then donate 1% of your purchase price to that school. AND that Target has raised over $300,000,000 for schools?

*My yard looks so sad this year. I haven't had time to spend working and clearing and maintaining and weeding. The boys have tried, but they don't love it like I do so- the mowing gets done and partial weeding. My pond is just a standing pool of water this year because I haven't gotten the waterfall running. Plus it has been so wet this year that the plants are looking water logged and sad. Maybe next year I'll have a routine and be able to get things done.

*I have to go to the podiatrist for therapy on my toe. I have been dealing with this toe for almost a year now. It is still swollen and I can only wear my Sketchers tennis shoes, my keds, and two of my dress flats. Everything else is too painful. So now I go in for therapy. The nurse puts four electrode patches on my foot, then hooks me up with wires to a machine and turns it on. I then spend 10-15 minutes with electrical pulses going through my foot. then I get to spen 10 minutes with my foot immersed in a warm water bath. It feels so good. I could use that kind of therapy on my feet every night before bed.

* My friend is having a baby. As in right now. She is in the hospital waiting to meet her new little one. But it is kind of a scary time for her because her baby is probably going to have to have the first of many major surgeries in the next couple of days. I wish I could do something for her besides pray, but prayer is all I can do for her, so that is what I am going to do.

*School starts in 20 days and I am so ready to go back and get back into a routine and figure out what the new "normal" is going to be for me and the kids.

Indeed

Guidance

2011-07-31T21:39:00.000-06:00

I have ben reading just for fun lately. I have also picked up a some books that I have had sitting around waiting for me to have time to read. I have also been doing a lot of introspection and trying to decide where to go from this point in my life. Funny thing is- all of these books I have been reading have been about that very thing. Helping you find out who you are, where you want to go, and how to get there.

Yesterday I was reading a book by Virginia H. Pearce, "Through His Eyes". The subtitle is Rethinking What You Believe about Yourself I thought it would be a good counseling book to read. I also thought it might help me get a bit unstuck in this one area of my life. I got to the third chapter and she asks the reader to make a list of beliefs.

Now, I was having a yard sale yesterday, so I sat outside and was reading the book during the slow times. When I got to the part about making a list, I pulled out my notebook and picked up my pen. And felt the tears start. And put the paper and book away because I just couldn't be crying and waiting on customers at the same time. And it really was not the time and place to be dealing with my issues.

Later I picked up a different book because even though I didn't make the list, it was still forming in my mind. Guess what this book started bringing up? Things that would be on the list.

Next book- same thing.

Since those three books were written form an gospel perspective, I thought I would read a counseling book as I waited for Jake to come home from work. I put it down after about two pages.

You know how I believe that when the student is ready the teacher will come? I think I am ready to learn something about myself- who I am, who I want to be and how the Lord wants me to be that and do that.

Today in church we sang a song that we rarely sing but is one of my favorite songs. It also deals with being guided by the Lord.

Tomorrow morning I am making my list.

Indeed

A Time to Finish

2011-07-17T21:28:00.001-06:00

When I was around 15 or so we were at my Grandma Hulsey's house (pictured here with my younger brother)

Grandma was working on a quilt. Well, Grandma was always working on a quilt or something, but this quilt caught my eye and I decided I wanted to make one like it. So Grandma copied the pattern on a piece of tracing paper for me. She also gave me a some of the pieces that she had already cut out and a block to sew them onto. It was a lovely patchwork of a tulip garden.

Here is the pattern she gave me.

See how she wrote the instructions in the right hand corner for me?

Here is the pattern when I made it darker so you could see it better.

Here is the block she gave me with the pieces she gave me pinned to it ready to sew.

The stem pieces are supposed to be green ric-rac.

Over the years I cut, and cut, and cut leaves

and everytime I made something or just found

remnants I liked, I would cut and cut and cut tulips.

Until I figured I had enough for a quilt.

Then life got busy and I went to college, got married, had kids

and the quilt was put in my craft box and then later my sewing room

unfinished pile.

I figured someday I would get enough material for the blocks

and finish it.

That day never came and life buffeted me around and finishing

a quilt was buried, not only in my sewing pile, but the far

recesses of my mind.

Until earlier this spring.

Grandma was ill and I realized that she was in her 90s

and I wanted to finish my quilt before she didn't have another birthday.

I am sure she finished her quilt decades ago.

She's like that.

Finishing what she starts.

(and lest you think I don't finsih what I start

I have made 10-12 quilts in the last few years- started and finished and used)

Anyway, I dug through my unfinished sewing pile- and discarded things I had

no intention of ever finishing-

and found my bag of tulips and leaves.

I verified that I had enough for the size quilt I wanted.

I did need to cut about 30 more tulips and about 40 more leaves

So I went to the fabric store and got some pretty fat quarters and cut and cut and cut.

Walmart had some pretty sheets for $15 so I got a white one for the blocks and a pretty polka dot one for the backing.

I unpicked the hemming and washed the white sheet and sent the polka dot one to the sewing room to wait.

(and when I was ready for it, I couldn't find where the child had stored it

until I had gone to the store and purchased a brown one, because I changed my mind

about the color scheme for my room)

When I sat down to cut the blocks out, I really did not want to cut them all out.

No, I had an idea of a way to update the pattern and not use ric-rac

because I didn't have any green ric-rac, or money to get some

but I did have a new sewing machine with oodles of cool design stitches.

So I marked the squares on my white material,

threaded my machine with my green thread

and stitched all my stems with this cool lacy, leafy looking stitch.

Then I sewed on all the leaves.

Then the tulips.

And last week I finished the top.

I laid it out on my bed and took a couple pictures so you could see it.

All that is left is to put it on the quilting frames and quilt it.

Or baste it together and quilt it with the sewing machine.

That will depend on what job I get and how soon I want to use it.

I am leaning toward the sewing machine.

Except somehow the backing sheet is a different size than the top sheet.

Even though they both said "King" on the label.

Remember that polka dot sheet I lost and later found stashed?

I think I will edge the bottom sheet with it to make them the same size

and it will make a pretty border when I turn it over to bind the quilt.

Sometimes mistakes and misplaced items works out.

Hopefully I'll have a finished quilt for you to see before Grandma's next birthday.
(and the block Grandma gave me to get me started? It is going to be
a throw pillow for my bed)

Indeed

Ramblings

2011-07-05T21:50:00.000-06:00

I can't think of things to blog about. I had the same problem over on facebook when I wanted to update my status. Everything I thought of was negative or whiney or complaining. So I didn't write anything. The same has been going on over here. Even though I had that list of 30 days worth of posts, mine all came out mopey. Probably because I am having some emotional strife right now.

Major upheavel in my home and it has taken its toll on me emotionally. It is long past due, but I have been ignoring it, hoping it would either get better or take care of itself or meet me on my own terms. But that was not to be. The issue was forced and I had to take action. And now am having to deal with and clean up the fall out. As usual. But it has been hard. And I have been a bit forlorn and sad. And second guess myself. Again.

And I need a job. And then I feel bad for complaining about that because I really have 2 jobs. But I only want one. One that isn't either of the ones I have. Because that would take me out of this limbo. But probably plunge me even further into self doubt. And sever all ties to.... security/fear/comfort/anger/help/disappointment/expectations/somewhere to turn/ I don't know- everything I hate about my life but everything I am afraid to not have as well.

Maybe I should talk to my therapist about that.

Because, you know, I haven't spent the last sixish weeks doing that.

And he assures me I am sane. And normal. And did the right thing. And will survive. And am strong. And intelligent. And will not be alone for ever.

(on a side note, it is interesting being a counselor in a counselor's office as a client. The conversation is definately different than with a non counselor and I know what he is going to ask before he does or why he is asking what he is asking)

But I leave his office and the doubts and fears all come back and I start second guessing again. Even though I know this change is what I want. What I need. And long past due. And the best for my family. And the last two months have done nothing but prove that. And if I had to do it over again, I would do it sooner.

But yet I am afraid to take that next step and try to change my memories of the past into something they are not and can never be.

So don't mind me while I mourn what never was and get ready to move onward and upward.

Indeed

Freedom

2011-07-04T00:00:00.000-06:00

"The flames kindled on the Fourth of July, 1776, have spread over too much of the globe to be extinguished by the feeble engines of despotism; on the contrary, they will consume these engines and all who work them."
Thomas Jefferson

Happy Independence Day!!!!!

Indeed

Dear......

2011-06-28T21:44:00.000-06:00

So I got lost on the posting. I had to work a couple of late nights closing at the store and those nights are killer. Target closes at 11:00 p.m. and I have to stay checking out the customers that are still in the store and ignore the "Target is closing" announcement. Then I get the privilege of cleaning up all the register aisles that the cashiers haven't had time to straighten up because people just keep coming and coming and coming and letting their kids pull things off the hooks and throw them on the floor. Then when that is done I get to help put away clothing, or electronics, or garden stuff, or (my least favorite) toys. Only when the store is completely clean can we leave. So it is 12:30ish before I get home. Then I get to get up and be the mom or go back to work or whatever. Long story short, I have been to exhausted and hurting to even think about blogging.

I had a day off today. I also had an interview for a counseling position. I feel pretty good about the interview, but it was only their second day of interviews so it will be probably 2+ weeks before I hear one way or the other. (please, please, please let this be the one) Then Jess and I went and looked at cars for her because hers really and truly died- an unfixable death. Or a very expensive to fix just as well get a new one death. Then I worked some more on a quilt so I can get all of that cleaned up and out of my way.

So tonight I think I can write one of the 30 days of blogging posts. How about the one where I write a letter to someone?

Dear Target Guests,

Thank you for shopping at Target, because if you didn't I wouldn't have a summer job. But there is something I don't understand- How can so many people need so much stuff all day long every day, day after day? But I guess I am glad they do so I can pay most of my bills.

I appreciate that you are keeping me employed, but can I ask a couple of favors of you?

First, know that as a cashier I am graded by how fast I complete your transaction. Grading starts from the moment I scan your first item and ends when I hit total and tell you the amount. If you put one item from your cart on the conveyer and then stand and talk to your friend on the phone, I am going to wait until you unload your cart to start becuase I need to be above 88% to keep my job and my personal goal each day, (that I have to write down for my boss), is 95%.

On the subject of unloading your cart. If you don't want your batteries bagged with your eggs or marshmellows and if you want all of you clothes bagged together and all of your canned goods together, then give them to me that way. I don't have someone standing at the end of the aisle bagging for me, I have to bag it all myself. I also only have one open bag at a time in which to put things. So if you put the marshmellows, a shirt, a package of batteries, your eggs, dish soap, a can of beans, a loaf of bread, 3 gallons of milk, a 24 pack of soda, 3 shirts, peaches, 6 more cans, tomatoes, shoes, motor oil, a white skirt, corn, grapes, another loaf of bread, on the belt in that order, that is the order I am going to have to bag it. Or you can go home with a lot of bags with next to nothing in them. Or I can slow down and try to pick and choose how to best bag your items. You didn't put it in your cart in that random order, don't give it to me in that random order. If you put like items together it makes your checkout so much smoother and helps my frustration level. Oh, and if you bring your own reusable bags, don't wait to tell me until I have 6 bags full. Put them on the belt first. (and thank you for using them)

If you chose to shop using the little hand basket, it is ok to unload it onto the conveyer belt and then leave the basket behind your stuff. It slows me down to have to reach up and over into the basket and gives me bruises where my arm hits the edge.

If you put something in your cart and then later decided you don't want it, that is ok. Just tell me and I will put it in my abandons bin and then someone comes by and picks them up and puts them away. No problem. And I won't think you are dumb or whatever for changing your mind. We have all done it. But if you take the time to hide it back behind the gum or candy, well....

Speaking of gum and candy- please, please, please don't let your kids pull everything off of the shelves and hooks and then shrug your shoulders at me and say, "What are you going to do?" And when your kid is screaming his head off begging for candy, or that toy or whatever and you say no and he screams even louder? Don't give in and then shrug your shoulders at me and say "What are you going to do?" Because I won't tell you, because I would probably lose my job, but know that you have just taught your child to be irresponsible and that in order to get his way he has to scream, yell and pretty much be a bully and in a few years we will be having this conversation in my other office and it won't be pretty because I won't be bullied and your child will take whatever the consequenses of his current action warrant. Better for him to learn it in the aisles of Target when the choice is just a candy bar.

One more thing, when you get to the check out counter, could you please get off of your phone. I have things I need to ask you and talk to you about, and I can't do that if you are ignoring me and fighting with your husband, yelling at your kids, planning a party with your girlfriend or whatever. Don't get mad at me for interrupting your phone conversation- I have to ask you if you want to save 5% on this and future purchases by opening a Target card, I have to ask you if you knew that your eggs were cracked, or if you were aware that your yougurt was open, and tell you your total, or that your card was rejected, or that the card reader needs you to give it more information. Don't yell at me when you can't enter your PIN correctly because you are busy talking on your phone, or when you answer the last question with a no when you really meant yes because now you have to start you payment transaction all over again because you just told it that you wanted to pay 2 ways and you really wanted to pay only 1 but you can't swipe the same card again on the same transaction. Not My Fault- get off your phone and pay attention to your life.

To the customers that talk to me politely, that bring their own bags and tell me at the beginning, tell your kids no and mean it, have polite, well behaved children, and are nice- Thank you for shopping at Target, you make my day easier and I really, really appreciate you.

Have a good day,

Indeed

Misty water-colored memories

2011-06-19T20:53:00.002-06:00

Day 19

Sweet memory from my past

So many memories have been crowding my brain lately, clammoring to be the one at the forefront, the one I am paying attention to at the moment. Last week my mother's oldest brother, Melburn J Swapp, passed away on Monday. So I have spent the week remembering. It seems so weird to think about because when I think of my parents and their siblings I still see them in my mind the way they were when I was young. My mind's eye sees them when they were an age younger than I am now and am always surprised when something reminds me that that is no longer true.

The memories I have been experiencing the most are those from time spent at my Grandma Swapp's house in Luna, New Mexico. We would gather together at Grandma' house- one big noisy family filling her house for holidays, special days, just because days. Uncle Melburn's second child, Melanie, is 12 days older than I am. We were always best friends and spent these days hanging out and playing and doing whatever cousins do when they don't live by each other and get together. What I remember most about Uncle Melburn is him laughing in the kitchen. I loved hearing him laugh.

And that brings me to more memories. The other memories that have been clammoring for attention. The memories of spending time at both Grandma's houses. Both sets of my grandparents lived in Luna, (and when I was younger I was related to most everyone that lived there through one side or the other of my family- but now more people have vaction cabins and it is described as a "resort town". Weird)

I loved going to Luna. In fact I wrote about time spent there my first year of college for my creative writing class. If I can find it, I'll post it. Grandpa Swapp, Uncle Melburn and my mom's second oldest brother, Horace, all drove semi-trucks for a logging company. Sometimes Grandpa would let me go with him. I got to sit in the sleeper. Sometimes he would let me honk horn. It doesn't take much to make me happy. To this day one of my favorite smells is diesel mixed with freshly cut pine. Whenever I smell one or the other I am instantly transported in my mind to the place where Grandpa parked his truck.

When we went to Grandma Hulsey's house there were no cousins to play with. My dad is the oldest and the first one married and I was at least eight before there were any cousins. But there was an uncle, Richard, two years older than me and five months older than my older sister. He was always more like a cousin than an uncle and we found things to do. Like gathering eggs for Grandma, digging up worms and going fishing with Richard, playing hide and seek in Grandma's yard, going to Great Grandma's or any of the other great aunts and uncle's houses around town. My favorite thing? to play on the old grinding stone that sat out front. It looked kind of like this

Perhaps in the last 20 days or so you have heard about a little fire in Arizona. A fire that is the largest wild-fire in Arizona's history. A fire that has now crossed the border into New Mexico. Those little towns that were evacuated early in the fire? Alpine, Nutrioso? Springerville? Eagar? All places I know and spent time and have family living. and the little "resort town" of Luna? Was evacuated yesterday afternoon and my dad just let us know that the fire is headed toward my Grandma's ranch.

Uncle Melburn's funeral was supposed to be tomorrow in Luna and he was supposed to be laid to rest in the cemetery there. the cemetery that holds so many family members. The cemetery where I will some day rest. But that is not going to happen. The funeral will be at my parent's church house and then interment waits until the fire has passed. or is gone. or......

My mom's younger brother is headed to my parent's house. My dad's brothers and his mother have evacuated to safe places. Others have gone to safe places as well. Since March there have been so many fires in New Mexico that I have lost count. Dad also just told us that there is another fire that started today and has already grown to 1000 acres. The entire southwest of our country is dry, dry, dry and burning up. They really need some of these cooler temps and rain that we are so very tired of.

Pray for the wind to quit down there, for the firefighters to get a handle on this fire, for rain without lightning, for my family and their properties to be protected. And pray for comfort for my mom, her other brothers, Uncle Melburn's children and grandchildren and wife.

If you want to see a timeline of the Wallow fire you can go here. See how close it was to Luna yesterday? scary

Indeed

A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes

2011-06-18T05:03:00.002-06:00

Day 18

Plans/Goals/Dreams

Hmmm, this one is pretty close to the bucket list post, I think. So let's see what I can come up with.

Get my house back in order- all the junk gone. Have a yard sale to sell what I no longer want or need, throw away or take to D.I. those things left after the sale.
Get my finances back in order and make a plan to pay off what is left of my debt and pay off my student loans faster than the allotted time.
Save for a down payment so I can either build or buy a house without so many sad memories attached. One that fits my shrinking family better, but still accomodates family gatherings.
Find a full time counseling position because I am a great counselor. (and the larger paycheck won't be a bad thing)
Lose another 15-20 lbs. But more importantly, continue to become stronger and healthier
Run a 5k
Hike Mt. Timp and watch the sun rise
Spend more time in the porch swing just enjoying life
Get a passport and use it
Do more volunteer work

And that is going to be enough to keep me busy for awhile.

Indeed

Freaky Friday

2011-06-17T17:02:00.000-06:00

Remember that movie, Freaky Friday? The movie where the mom thinks her daughter has it made because she is young and carefree with no responsibilities and the daughter thinks her mom is the lucky one with no rules and boundaries to life. Then at the same moment they both wish they had the other one's life and they switch places and find out that life is not the bed of roses they thought for the other person.

(this version has it's merits, but I like the original with Jodi Foster as well)

Today's post is supposed to be about who I would like to trade places with for one day and why.

I have been thinking for the last two and a half weeks who I would choose. I have picked and unpicked numerous women, none of them famous and well known, just women in my life that I admire. I am not going to name any one of them in particular but I will tell you why I wanted to trade with them.

They are all strong women. They have various professions in life; mom, educator, writer, salaried postion, hourly work, a broad spectrum across the board. But as I looked at the common thread among them, the thing that made me choose them, the part of their life that I envied and wished I had for me. It is the one area in my life that I allow myself to mourn and cry because I do not have it and I would give so much to even just experience for a small moment- to know how it feels. Something I could take out and remember during the hard times of life.

What is this thing?

They are all married to good, righteous men. Men that they love and that love them. Men that are their friend and whose first thought of the day is to make her life better and happier. And they are all just as willing to do the same for him. In short, even through the hard times, the down times, the sick times, the happy and prosperious times, they love each other more then they love themselves.

While I would not trade the things I have learned, or the person I have become, and especially would not trade my children, I would love to experience that kind of love and happiness, even for just one day.

Indeed.

Day 16

2011-06-16T16:18:00.001-06:00

Day 16

Current Picture of Me

Jess took this picture a couple of weeks before I graduated. Even though it was the end of April, it was snowing and freezing cold outside so in most of the pictures she took that day I have my coat on. Maybe if it ever warms up around here we can go out and she can take some more pictures.

Indeed.

Day 15- Do the Shuffle

2011-06-15T10:59:00.000-06:00

Put your iPod on shuffle

What are the first 10 songs to play?

Then-Brad Paisley
I'm Doin' My Best- Gary Allen
Never Alone- Jim Brickman
Crooked River- also Jim Brickman
Calling All Angels- Train
Welcome to My World- Jim Reeves
Symphony No. 3 in e-flat major, Op. 55 Eroica scheroz Allegro vivace- The best of Beethovan
It Had Better Be Tonight- Michael buble
Let's Hear it for the Boy- Deniece Williams
Lady- Little River Band

How's that for an eclectic mix?

(and because I don't know how to shuffle only 1 play list, I had to shuffle all of them so I left out the scriptures when they came up and the Christmas songs and hymns)

Indeed.

Day 14 Family

2011-06-14T19:19:00.001-06:00

Today is a picture of my family.

Below is a family picture we took

about a two weeks before Matthew

left on his mission last year.

Here are my kids and I and their dad

Indeed.

Day 13

2011-06-13T07:10:00.019-06:00

Ok, today is supposed to be my 5 favorite books and why. Right about now I wish I was as smart as my sister and my father and kept a list of the books I have read. You are not going to get my 5 favorite books because it would take too much thinking and I am just not up to that much hard work today. for a lot of reasons.

But I will tell you what I am reading now. I am currently reading a new series by Rick Riordan called
The Kane Chronicles

I finishe book 1, The Red Pyramid
Saturday and sent Ethan to the store to get me book 2, The Throne of Fire

The books are about a 12 year old girl and her 15 year old brother and how they find out they are from a long line of magicians and have to save the world from awakening Egyptian gods. The books are wrtitten from the view point of both main characters. They "take turns" telling the story. Rick Riordan really knows how to write and this style really works. I have enjoyed the series so far and am excited to see what happens next in the series.

Indeed.

Ode

2011-06-12T18:39:00.000-06:00

Day 12

Poem to Someone You Love

Soccor balls, drum sets, porpoise laughs,

Tigers, and trains that are green,

Photos and cameras, susaphones and two Marines

Band camp, girl's camp, high adventure too

back to school and Mom I need new shoes

Papers and books, where is my pen

Pants, shirts, socks laundry never ends

Milk, butter, eggs and bread

Your eating again, I thought we already fed

Do your chores, clean your room

And please make your bed

Feed the dog, feed the cat

No, you can't do that

Get up early in the morning

Hit the floor running

First one up

Last one down

Do it again and again

One eternal round

I love you bigger than a mouse

I love bigger than a van

I love you bigger than a house

I love you to the moon and back

I love you longer than eternity

I would do it over again

Because I got to be your mom.

Indeed.

There's A Hole in the Bucket

2011-06-11T17:34:00.000-06:00

Day 11

Bucket List

Bucket lists have been popular for a while now. I have been meaning to get mine out of my head and onto paper but something always gets in the way. So I guess that could be the first thing I could cross off my list- writing the list.

Travel somewhere that I have to use a passport. Preferably somewhere really old and with castles- like Ireland or Scotland
Get a passport
Visit all the American History sites- Washington D.C., Gettysburg, Boston...
Visit church history sites
Buy or build my dream house
Have my mom and sister come decorate it for me
Be truly out of debt
Be married to a man that loves me as much as I love him and is my friend
Read a Jane Austin book all the way through (I have started but never had the time to get in the rhythm of the language)
Go to a professional soccer game
Finish the quilt I started when I was a teenager
Run a 5 K
Visit the Mayan ruins
Visit Australia
Take my kids to Disneyland
Take a whale watching cruise in San Diego
Go on a Carribean Cruise
Take a hot air balloon ride
Learn to swim
Go to Hawaii
Win a yard of the month contest
Go to a furniture store and buy what I want without having to look at the price tag

Ok, that is going to be a good start. I have more, I know, hidden away and I will find them and add them to the list

Indeed.

That Song in my Head

2011-06-10T18:29:00.000-06:00

Day 10

Songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

You would think this one would be easy since I have stated that music has played such a big part of my life. But this one is kind of hard because music has played such a big part of my life. There is always a song playing in my head. Sometimes I tune in to what is playing there and think, "this song? really? what brought that one to the fore?" When I turn music on I have to stop and think about what kind of music I am in the mood to listen to. And I know I have told you that I listen to the radio by surfing stations to find a song I am in the mood to listen to. So, I will try and find at least one song representative of the lists I have for each of these moods.

Wait while I pull up my iTunes playlists so it will be easier

Ok, all pulled up and ready. But I am going to go backward so we end on a happy note instead of mad.

MadOk, I don't know how old this one is I just heard it for the first time last night and as soon as I got home I downloaded it on iTunes and put it in my playlist for this type of song.

And you actually get two for this category because, well just because
I sometimes put this one on repeat when I am particularly mad

And just one more because I have been mad this past week so these are on the mind

Hyped
Oh this could be about anything and it depends on why I am hyped- It's Christmas and I am decorating my house? Easter? A work thing, something new coming my way, a party... So it depends. It would have to be something upbeat, something to tap my toes to or dance to.

I would say Black Eyed Peas, or Train but I am tired of their songs, they are way overplayed here. If it was Christmas I would have to choose Mannheim Steam Roller.
Oh, wait, I know! Turn the volume up and hope you have someone that knows how to cha-cha at hand or just embarass your kids by dancing by yourself in the kitchen.

Or turn the radio up and roll the windows down while driving on a back country road which I was wont to do when I had my little red sports car. I really miss that car.

Bored
Hmm, put the iPod/iTunes or Pandora on shuffle and take what I get. Let me do that know and see what we get

Or you can hear it played by Jacob here

Sad
Again, depends on why I am sad.

or maybe

Happy
I was going to post a Michael Buble video, but embedding is disabled. But anything by him, or Jim Brickman, or this one- it always makes me smile. Or whistle and tap my toes. And think of growin' up and spending summers in the little mountain top town of Luna, New Mexico (yes the one that is in the news right now because of the fire in AZ.)

Indeed.

Day 9

2011-06-09T21:04:00.000-06:00

Day 9

Something You Are Proud of in the Last Few Days

Pride is something that I struggle with because it is something we are not supposed to have. But I also believe that having pride in accomplishing something hard is ok so long as we don't get carried away with how wonderful we are. So that leaves me with today's topic, and a dilemma of what to post because for the last week I have been mostly laying around eating grapes and bon-bons while being fanned with palm leaves while I order the servants around.

Well not the grapes and bon-bons and fans but I have been just laying on the bed and giving direction to the kids. The doctor let me do a bit of walking starting yesterday. After doing nothing for 5 days what little bit I did yesteday was exhausting and after running a few errands today (getting my work schedule and uniform) I am plum tuckered out.

So not much in my recent activities to be proud of unless you count sleeping through the night without a pain pill something to be proud of.

But I am proud of my children. Jess got up early and drove me to the hospital and then waited through my surgery, took instructions from the nurse about my care and then brought me home. She answered the door and the phone and let me sleep. She checked with me before she let anyone come see me. She dished up the dinners that were so lovingly brought to us. She got up early the next couple of days and made breakfast for me and didn't get mad the time I asked her to re-do it. She did dishes and then she did them again. And again. (welcome to my life sweetie) And she picked up our Bountiful Baskets and went to the grocery store for me. And did the laundry. Oh and did the dishes.

The boys mowed the lawn and I only had to ask twice. They also took their turn at getting me breakfast or lunch. And doing the dishes. And sweeping and mopping. And taking my library books back.

And Brandi made sure that she played outside or at a friend's hous and brought me towels and water and juice and other things.

So while my house is not as clean as I would like to have seen it when I got up this morning, it wasn't a disaster either. And while they didn't do all the chores I asked them to do, they did most of them and we are all alive and well and healthy and I am proud of the people my children are becoming.

Indeed.

Day 8

2011-06-08T14:04:00.000-06:00

Day 8

Short Term Goals for this Month

1. Get my toe fixed-- Done

2. Start hiking again so I can get back in shape and start feeling good again

3. Find a full time counseling job

4. Clean all the garbage and clutter out of my house for good

5. Get my house organized

6. Get my porch swing fixed so I can sit in my garden and watch the sun come up

7. Get my flower garden cleaned out and prettied up

8. Get my pond fixed and the waterfall working again

9. Get ready for a yard sale

10. Read for fun

Indeed.

Who I am today

2011-06-07T16:55:00.000-06:00

Day 7

A Picture of Something or Someone that

has had the biggest impact on me

These people have made me the person I am today and I am so thankful that they are part of my life and that I get to be part of theirs.

Indeed.

Not Bird, Nor Plane, or Even Frog

2011-06-06T09:25:00.001-06:00

Day 6

Favorite Super Hero and Why

I grew up in the 60s-70s. That was a great time for super heros. They existed in comic books but with the advent of T.V. superheroes began visiting our living rooms.

Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive,able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. We all know it is Superman to the rescue. And Lois Lane was always needing rescued. Even though she was a strong woman she still needed a man to get her out of scrapes.

There were also Spiderman, the Green Lantern, Batman and Robin, Bill Cosby's Green Hornet. Any Saturday afternoon could find any number of super heroes saving the planet over and over again. Would these earthlings ever learn to take care of themselves?

What about Wonder Woman with her lasso of truth? Wouldn't it be cool to be her and have an invisible airplane and be able to communicate with the animal kingdom?

Actually the superhero I chose as my favorite is a woman. Her list of supernatural powers include:

*The Look- causes the receiver to be quiet, speak up, tell the truth, stop whatever they are doing, change plans mid-stream. The effects of this power are endless.

*Super human hearing- She can hear a baby crying and know immediately what is needed. But she can also hear children in another room whispering plans to baptise the cat and put an end to it before it starts. Along with super hearing, she also knows when she doesn't hear something that there is possibly evil afoot and averts it.

*Needs no sleep- This hero is self re-charging. The energizer bunny got his tag line from her as she just keeps going and going and going.

I never really had a favorite superhero. They were entertaining cartoons or Saturday afternoon shows then they were over and I went on with life. However I did always want to be just like my mom. She is my favorite superhero. She can make everything all better and on those rare occasions that she can't, she can at least turn on the light at the end of the tunnel.

Here she is in Australia with my older sister and my dad

And here is the intro to Underdog just because

Indeed.

I've Been Everywhere

2011-06-05T11:46:00.000-06:00

Day 5- Picture of Somewhere You Have Been

Some of you will remember this old Hank Snow song. I remember hearing it when I was younger and wishing I could travel and see all those places listed in the song. It has been decades since that song was popular and my list of places I have visited has increased. In fact many of the places mentioned in the song are places I have since visited.

Today's post is supposed to have a picture of somewhere I have been.

Last year we took a few day trips around Utah. One of those days we headed out to Salt Air and had a blast. Jess took these pictures while we were there.

Indeed.

Habits- Day 4

2011-06-04T11:23:00.000-06:00

As I began thinking about habits I wished I didn't have, I couldn't think of any. I wish that was the truth. The truth is I was loopy from the meds the dr. gave me for my foot. It has been 48 hours since surgery and the numbness is finally wearing off of my foot. The pain is not a lot of fun.

Once the pain killers they gave me wore off I thought again of habits and I found plenty of habits I no longer want. I then had to narrow it down to one I was willing to admit to in a public forum. I finally settled on one and began composing the post in my head. I then read my niece's post on the same subject and laughed out loud.

We are definately related.

My admitted bad habit? I am judgemental.

I have to agree with my niece. There are things that people should just know and when they don't I get irritated. The thing that irritates me the most? Improper grammmer. Really, we live in an educated society with education available to everyone and when someone refuses to take advantage of that education... well it irritates me.

For instance I had a conversation with another adult the other day and these are just some of the things I heard during that conversation:

We was headed....
I seen him walk...

Now, this person is the same age as I am and graduated from a high school in an urban setting not some rural school in the Ozarks in the 20's.

But what irritates me even more is when I hear these same phrases coming out of the mouths of current students. It seems to me that if one is going to pay for and attend college with the intent to teach students one should use proper grammer. If we expect our students to compete on a global scale shouldn't we teach them the skills needed to do so?

But if you are sitting in my office needing my help, I will put this studpid judgemental irritation aside and help you with what you need.

Then I will change your schedule to an English teacher that will help you.

Indeed.

You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby

2011-06-03T19:21:00.001-06:00

Still having scanning issues, but I did find this picture during one of my awake moments today.

My Dad holding Dawna

My Mom holding me

probably fallish of 1963

In my Grandma's yard?

In other news, The doctor fixed my broken toe this morning. He told me he would take out the extra bone my body had made and he thought that I had a nerve tumor. When he got me open he found that indeed I had made extra bone and he took that off. He also found a nerve tumor. He removed that so I will now have a numb spot on that toe, but the good news is I won't have pain. He also found that the original break had not healed and there was no bone made there. So he reset the break, stitched me up and bandaged me and sent me home to lay in bed until I see him next week when I should be able to start moving more than to the little room.

Ironic news? Target had no open shifts this next week so it was a perfect time to have surgery and recovery time. I didn't have to take any time off. The boss called me about an hour after I got home from the hospital and wanted to know if I could take a shift this afternoon. I laughed and told him I would take any starting Wed. but not today. He laughed when I told him why.

I think God has a sense of humor and my life is his material.

Indeed.

June 3

2011-06-03T08:31:00.000-06:00

Today is supposed to be a picture of me as a child.

My scanner is not talking to my computer and I have none on the computer.

I also have surgery this morning to fix that toe I broke 9 months ago.

So, when I get home or tomorrow or sometime I will have Jess scan one for me and e-mail it to me so I can post it. sometime.

Unless my mom has one she wants to scan and send?

Indeed.

A Rose by Any Other Name

2011-06-02T19:49:00.004-06:00

Day 2- Meaning of your blog name:

I love to dance. When I was a little girl my parents danced all the time. They went to dances. They danced in the dining room, the kitchen, the living room. And when they weren't dancing there was music on. It was ever present in our lives. Even though we only had 2 radio stations- one country, one rock- we had record. (For those of you too young to know what those are, they were like CDs only bigger and black. They had grooves in them that held the music and you had a player that used a needle to play the music. fun times)

In fact, music was such a part of our lives that at any given time I have some song playing in my head. Sometimes, when I take the time to pay attention, I am surprised by what is playing and often wonder why that particular song at that particular time. Sometimes it is a hymn, sometimes a country song, sometimes pop. You just never know. And sometimes it is down right annoying if I don't particularly like the song that is playing in my head.

My daddy also used to be a square dance caller. Now that was fun and when I went to college I belonged to an exhibition/performance square dance group that traveled around for performances. I even choreographed some tricky trades between partners and squares to mix it up a bit. I also taught round and line dancing while I was in college. I can be in a grocery store and a song that we used to perform to comes on and I still know exactly where I should be and what step I would be doing. But I think it would embarrass my kids if I broke out in dance in the middle of the dairy aisle.

I remember when I was really little my parents did a dance called a Schottice (remember this? Put your little foot, Put your little foot, Put your little foot right here)

Love it

We also danced to Cotton Eyed Joe. Not the new fangled 80's one, but the good old days tune.
This is the only good original version I could find. Everything else was that stupid techno 80's stuff.

Isaac Paytn
Cotton Eye Joe

(Mom, who was that cajun fiddler we used to listen to? I think his record jacket was purple/pinkish. Jole Blon was my favorite off of that)

There was also another dance that is close to a swing, the Jitterbug. First dance my daddy ever taught me. In fact when I was in college, I had an uncle that was also in college. He was at a dance I was at. He asked my date if I could dance with him because I was the only girl in the room he was sure knew how to the Jitterbug. I loved it. haven't found anyone else that knows how, though.
This is the song we used to always dance to the Jitterbug.

Glen Miller
In The Mood

As I got older I still danced. Every chance I got. Until I got married to someone that couldn't dance if his life depended on it. Then I started choreographing community and church musicals. I would strap the current baby into a baby pack and start dancing. I danced in the kitchen, in the halls, in the living room. And my kids loved it.

Then I started blog and knew I wanted a name that reflected my love of all things dance. (ballroom, particularly the waltz is my favorite) Dancing is in the very fiber of my being. I am constantly tapping out the rhythm of music. (I catch myself during church all the time tapping my toe to the hymns. The chorister laughs at me) I thought that even though I don't dance much anymore I still dance. Just to a different rhythm. The rhythm of life- work, kids, bills- 1,2,3- do it again from the top- work, kids, bills- 1,2,3.

And The Dance was born.
I used to dance to music
On a dance floor.
Now I do the dance of life
with kids, pets, mortgage,
and a job.
But I still dance.

My favorite quote-
Dancing is like singing a song, except I get to use my whole body.

(and I'll find some samples of those other dances- but now I get to go supervise at the high school end of year dance)

Indeed.

30 Days of Blogging Day 1

2011-06-01T14:57:00.000-06:00

Recent Picture + 10 Randon Things

10 Random Things about Me

1. I hate shopping, unless it is the craft store or Hardware store

2. I am allergic to anything scented- perfume, laundry soap, air freshners, hair spray, lotion...

3. I alway have at least 3 books in progress at any time

4. I like zebra patterns

5. And giraffe patterns

6. I know how to hand piece and quilt a quilt

7. I used to choreograph musical plays

8. I understand the off sides rule in soccer-- finally!

9. I am the mother of two military vetrans

10. I love weeding in my flower beds

Indeed.

Post It

2011-05-31T12:34:00.002-06:00

I have been really slacking in the blogging department lately.

Mostly what I have been doing is job hunting.

One would think that once you graduate that you would have a job

to help pay off student loans.

However, all that has happened for me is that

I am everyone's second choice.

I am tired of coming in second.

I want to be first for once.

And my life experience tells me that I will always come in second

So I am having a hard time seeing the glass half full

instead of half empty

And each passing interview confirms it anew for me

And really? Who cares if I can label the diamond

that defines Comp Guidance?

In real life I can look that up

But wouldn't you rather I knew how to deal with

a suicidal teen, or change your schedule

or know what you have left to take to graduate

or how to help you with your grief and pain?

And I am a dang good counselor

So hire me already.

That and a bunch of stupid life/family issues are really draining me.

I hate when someone else's choices cause hurt and pain and fear

for me and my kids.

And that those choices leave me with a choice between

bad and worse.

Stupid.

But-

I did get a summer job.

I will be working at Target as a cashier.

Can I help you find something?

Did you find everything today?

Thank you for shopping at Target and have a nice day.

My cheeks hurt just thinking about it.

So I am going to try to blog a bit more.

I stole this 30 day blog list from my niece

I think I'll try it anyway for the month of June

So if I pull it off

here is a "menu" of what you can look forward to.

Maybe.

If I'm not too tired.

(surgery on Friday to fix that toe I broke in Sept. Still not healed)

30 Days of Blogging

day 1- recent picture of you and ten interesting facts about yourself

day 2- the meaning behind your blog name

day 3- a picture of you as a child

day 4- a habit that you wish you didn’t have

day 5- a picture of somewhere you've been

day 6- favorite super hero and why

day 7- a picture of someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you

day 8- short term goals for this month and why

day 9- something you're proud of in the past few days

day 10- songs you listen to when you are happy, sad, bored, hyped, mad

day 11- write a bucket list of things you want to do before you die

day 12- write a poem to someone you love

day 13- your 5 favorite books and why

day 14- a picture of you and your family

day 15- put your iPod on shuffle: first 10 songs that play

day 16- a picture of yourself

day 17- someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

day 18- plans/dreams/goals you have

day 19- write about a sweet memory from your past

day 20- write a letter to someone

day 21-a picture of something that makes you happy

day 22- what makes you different from everyone else

day 23- something you crave a lot

day 24- post your favorite quote or verse of scripture and why

day 25- what I would find in your bag

day 26- list 10 things that you are thankful for

day 27- my day job verses my passion

day 28- cruise a thesaurus and pick out 10 words you like the sound of

day 29 - favorite TV shows and why you like them

day 30 - movies you can watch again and again

The crazy daze of motherhood- book review

2011-04-25T06:38:00.000-06:00

Product Description

A mother's day is filled with all kinds of emergencies, from bumps and bruises to hospital stays. Find the perfect way to recover from your own family's little emergencies with Jane Isfeld Still's latest book on the hilarious daily challenges of a mother in the fray. You're sure to laugh and cry as you celebrate the joys of motherhood.

From the Back Cover

Jane is married to Rick Still, who she believes has the distinction of being the only man in history brave enough to give her earwax candles for her birthday. They had six children in eight years, and while her children were growing up, she discovered she had a great sense of humor. At least that was her take. Rick once said to her, "Honey, you know all those real corny things you say all the time? Who ever thought you could make money at it?" Her son Adam once told her, "Mom could you please stop telling jokes to my friends? It's really embarrassing." One of Jane's philosophies is, "You're not doing your job unless your children are worried about being seen in public with you."

To read more about Jane and her exploits visit her website at janeisfeldstill.com or her blog at janeisfeldstill.blogspot.com

My thoughts:

This book is small, small enough to fit in my purse so I could read while waiting- for the doctor, for Brandi at soccer practice, the bell to ring while subbing in physics because let's be real here- Me teaching physics??? Besides being small, the stories in the book are short enough that I could finish one and not be left hanging when I have to move on to my next activity.

I liked this book. Jane has a way of taking everyday experiences and seeing the humorous aspect to them, like the time her washer went crazy and she had to call her husband home to help her stop the resulting flood. To most of us it would be a disaster, and it may have been, but just think Lucille Ball and you can only imagine the way Jane managed. Too funny.

Purchase book here

Discloser:
The author provided a book in exchange for a review

Indeed.

Thursday Review- Onnalee Photography

2011-04-14T15:05:00.000-06:00

Once upon a time there were three weeks until a graduation. (ok it was today)
And the graduate wanted some nice, new, shiny photos for announcements (ok, it was me)
So she hired a wonderful photographer for not very much money (unless you count the last 24 years of room and board)

The graduate went to the store looking for a dress after she spent time on the internet searching for the perfect dress
After trying on a bajillion dresses (ok it was really only 22)
She found the perfect one (except it needed a jacket and the perfect jacket belonged with a different dress)

She also decide she wanted the red Mary Jane pumps from Carnival shoe store, but they had them in every size but hers

None of the other stores had them either. But they could get them from a store in Texas that had them. In 5-6 weeks. Maybe. (well they just lost a sale because it was a BOGO sale and now if the bother to get the in I won't be purchasing 2 pair like I probably would have if they had had an online site)

Anyway, she and the photographer set a date and it snowed. Then the next date it rained. Finally they set a no matter what date. And it snowed. Just flurries, but the wind was horrible. But they went anyway after the primping was done.

They took a bunch of pictures (and when they were in one of the parks, the graduate was walking up a hillside and a fallen tree branch tried to trip her and stabbed her in the foot and ripped her brand new nylons to shreds and now her foot is all swollen) and they had fun and froze half to death.

And even though she hasn't seen the pictures yet, the graduate knows the photographer will have taken wonderful photos and she will look marvelous when people open the graduation announcements.

If you need photos taken for any reason- graduation, new baby, wedding, engagement, family photos or just because, may I suggest you try Onnalee Photography. She does On Location, Natural Light Photography and is amazing!!

I'll post some of the photos she took as soon as I have them

Indeed.

Outside my window

2011-04-08T09:51:00.002-06:00

When I look up from my desk at work this is what I see

There are two pigeons that have built a nest behind the screen on the left. I have enjoyed watching them as they built it. I didn't see the other bird today so I am thinking this is the papa bird and the other one is the mama and she was on the nest- though I am not sure.
Anyway, I was excited when they showed up and started building last month because I love pigeons.

Now I know they make big messes in parks and are not the favorite of statues lounging in those same parks, but I still love them.

When I was a little girl, my great-grandfather had pigeons in his barn. I loved walking past the barn and hearing the pigeons cooing. Have you ever listened to pigeons cooing? I find it rather soothing.

One time when I was in the hospital there were pigeons nesting on the ledge outside my window. I was in the hospital because I was pregnant and my blood pressure was dangerously high and I was close to dying but it was way too early for the baby to be born. I couldn't sleep and that made things worse. When they put me in the room with the pigeons I was able to relax and sleep and go home the next day. Some people might have been annoyed by the pigeons but closing my eyes, hearing the birds brought images of happy childhood times and helped me.

And today when I look out my window and see these two birds strutting on the ledge I can relax and all is right with the world again.

Indeed.

Thursday Book Review-city dog, country frog

2011-04-07T05:28:00.001-06:00

I started a new group at school. It is a friendship group. We have a lot of students that are new or just don't appear to have many if any friends. So as a counselor I started a group where we have fun and play games and talk about friendship. And I included some of the leaders in the school. They are all 10th and 11th grader so that next year when the students come back to school there will be someone to say hello to in the halls.

Next week we are having a discussion about the stages of friendships and what makes a good friend at each stage and what kind of friends fit each stage of our lives.

Something I like to do is read a children's book to the students. I love the books and the students love being read to and it always starts a great discussion.

This week we are reading this book

and can I just say that I love, love, love this book!

In spring, when City Dog runs free in the country for the first time, he spots Country Frog sitting on a rock, waiting for a friend. "You'll do," Frog says, and together they play Country Frog games. In summer, they meet again and play City Dog games. Through the seasons, whenever City Dog visits the country he runs straight for Country Frog's rock. In winter, things change for City Dog and Country Frog. Come spring, friendship blooms again, a little different this time. Mo Willems' spare, poignant text and Jon J Muth's expressive watercolors team up to present a reflection on the natural course of friendship--and life--that will resonate with readers of all ages. (review from here)

By Mo Willems - Hyperion Books for Children (2010) - Hardback - 64 pages - ISBN 1423103009

The illustrations are amazing and the text, while simple, is poignant and speaks volums and lends itself well to discussions of friendship with any age.

Indeed.

What to Wear

2011-04-05T21:41:00.000-06:00

4 1/2 weeks!! That is all that is left until graduation! I cannot believe it has gone so fast. I have written almost 100 papers, given that many presentations, taken a few tests, passed a 4 hour licensing exam and counseled students for over 600 hours.

All that is left is two logs to fill out and one paper to write and five class periods to attend then a walk across a stage and it is over, I will graduate with a Master's degree in School Counseling. And finding a job to help pay off the student loans, feed and house my kids and move on with my life.

Well, that and finding something to wear for graduation.

I have narrowed it down to a few things, but I need to decide in the next day or two so if I am going to order one of them I can do it this week. My nephew is getting married that same day and I am assuming I will be invited so the choices I made were made with the idea that I will have a gown, and a hood on and be in a room full of people and it will probably be hot and that right after the graduation we will probably head north to the wedding celebration so I want it to be something that will look good there as well.

So here are my choices and reasons for choosing them:

This outfit I chose because I can do the pants and top with or without the jacket or do it with the skirt, again with or without the jacket. It also come in a tan with a pinstripe in the orange or just tan so I could mix and match the different pieces and colors. I fgured out that if I got all the pieces in all the colors and the top I could do over 30 combinations. A couple different tops and I wouldn't need any other clothes!

I really chose this one because the skirt with the top and no jacket is kinda dressy but if I add the jacket I can wear it to work.

I could pair this one with a white jacket (with a mandarin collar, which I have) a black jacket or any other color jacket or cardigan. It would work for church or work and sheaths are really my favorite dress and they look great on me and make me look good.

Work or church and I love red and look great in it

(and the rouching will hide the fact that I have made

some bad food choices and haven't

been on the treadmill as much as I should have)

Again I can wear it to work and I just love the look of this suit

Again work and church, great lines and coloring

Have I mentioned that I like suits?

And sheathes

I have no idea when I would ever wear this again

but I think it would be a fun dress to wear to celebrate

I just love this one. I probably wouldn't wear it to work

but it is cute

A suit, red, peplum over a sheath

Who could ask for more?

I will be getting these shoes. My grandmother Swapp had a pair almost like them. She bought them in the 50s, I think, from Montgomery Ward, I think. She gave them to me when I was in high school and I loved, loved, LOVED them and wore them until the leather on the sides split and could no longer be repaired. (Karen Allen wears a white pair in Raiders of the Lost Ark) I have been looking for a pair for about 20 years now.

While I want black to replace Grandma's I also kind of want white but I will probably get the nude color because they go with everything and make the leg look longer. ( I really wish they came in red)

Now I just need to decide what to wear.

Indeed.

Happy, Happy

2011-03-23T06:20:00.000-06:00

I should have writtent this Sunday, but I was doing a no computer thing. That and attending the birthday party of the sweetest, most beautiful two year old in the world.

Happy 2nd birthday Jordan!!!

Indeed.

On a Spring Day

2011-03-11T06:42:00.000-07:00

**I just heard about the earthquake in Japan and the ensuing devistation and tsunamies throughout the world. I also just heard that these tsunamies could possibly effect our western coastline even as far up as Oregon. Of course my thoughts are with Matthew there in Oregon and what kind of storms might hit there. And perhaps by the time it reaches Australia it will only by slightly highter waves and not devastaing waves because they just do not need anymore. No matter, all of those affected need our prayers and any other help we can give.
Also, there was a fire down by my parents' house this week. My parents were lucky that the wind shifted away from them, but others were unfortunate that it did.
I just wanted to mention these things before I moved on to more light hearted fare

Yesterday was a very nice day, weather wise here. 64*F, downright balmy. A nice day to go out and play.

Jordan

Hunter

Hunter wanted me to draw a boat

Fish and octopus to go with the boat

Playing Hopscotch

Indeed.

Maybe, maybe not

2011-03-06T21:35:00.000-07:00

I may or may not have a horrible cold.
I may or may not be able to breathe
or smell

One of my kids may or may not have decided to make No Bake cookies tonight
He may or may not have used 2 cups of milk instead of 1/2 cup

I may or may not have told him to use the big pot and adjust the rest of the ingredients accordingly
He may or may not have choosen a pot that was bigger, but not the big pot
The mixture may or may not have boiled over and started the stove on fire

I may or may not have smothered the fire and then used made a mess with baking soda all over the stove
He may or may not have been able to save the rest of the mixture and put it in the actual bigger pot

He may or may not have ended up with close to 100 cookies

My kitchen may or may not smell of smoke- even to someone that is so stuffed up they can't smell
I may or may not have a headache and feel like throwing up now

I may or may not be headed to bed

He did clean the kitchen up and I do love him- no maybe about it.

Indeed.

Whoopsie Daisy

2011-03-01T15:52:00.001-07:00

Today was standardized testing day at work. The seniors were supposed to check out colleges and work opportunities. The juniors took the ACT- paid for by the state board of education throughout the entire state. (so many of them did not realize what an amazing opportunity they were getting. So many that normally would not take it now have an ACT score and it will open so many more opportunities to them. only about 30-40 didn't come and take it) The sophomores took the PLAN which is a pre- ACT. We only had about 30ish of them that didn't come. 200 of our sophomores also took a health survey- I was in charge of that. It has been a big headache and I am not going to go any more into that whole process because I don't want this post to turn into a rant against the company that requested the survey.

I was also in charge of packaging up some granola type bars into a ziplock bag for each classroom and then delivering them. 2 of the counselors and 1 volunteer helped me deliver them to the rooms so that went pretty fast. When I was done, I took the extra bars and passed one to each of the principals and secretaries. I was then headed to the room where I had stuff stored and I had a paper box full of left over granola bars in my hand. The front office has a stupid low wall that juts out from the desk. (originally they were going to put a swinging gate there but changed their minds but left the wall/post that sticks out into the walkway-- really, really stupid stupid stupid) With the box I couldn't see how close to the wall I was. I tripped. I fell. I hurt myself. But I didn't spill the granola. And only 1 secretary saw it happen.

I told everyone that came running when the secretary called out that the only thing I hurt was my pride and that I was only embarrassed. The truth is this- I hit the wall right where I gave myself my injection in my thigh this morning. There is now a rectangular bruise about 8 inches long that runs diagonally across my left thigh. I have a bruise on my right ribs, hip, outer thigh. I wrenched my back, and right arm and right ankle. I have a headache. I have, in a word- PAIN.

But what I don't have is any broken bones. Yay!!!

(and I walked more than 4 miles by noon and over 5 by the time I came home.)

Indeed.

Home Makeover

2011-02-21T17:17:00.001-07:00

I spent the morning mucking out the downstairs. I took a break about noon. That break is lasting until another day because it is a bit overwhelming to me. I have no idea how one grown marine could have so much stuff and how he could spread it through so many rooms. I love my child, but I really need him to get an apartment soon.

As I was cleaning I was thinking that I would love to just take everything out of every room and start over.

My desk in my office is old. It was old when it was given to me 26 years ago. I spent last summer trying to figure out what I want this desk to look like. When I found this picture I knew it was what I wanted. I can hardly wait to finish mucking out and rearranging where furniture is in the house and then get started with the redoing of my desk.

I really hate my family room. It is long and narrow and dark. It feels like a dungeon down there. But if it looked like one of these that would be awesome

And the cool thing about these rooms is they are decorated using only stuff from Wal-mart.

The reason that is so cool is when I do get a contract, that is the only thing I am going

to be able to afford.

Especially if I am lucky enough to find a house I can afford

I absolutely love this sofa. Donovan and Kristina have one kind of like it

and I love it. Next year it may be my one big purchase

after I get me a new bed.

Speaking of beds, this is the one I want

Totally afforable from Ikea

Now that my kids are older, I think I want to do a white bedroom

Like this one

Or this one from here

I will just have to take my cue from wherever I end up living

Speaking of moving, I graduate in 12 weeks!! The time has gone by so fast I can barely remember when it felt so overwhelmingly long. Now the job search feels overwhelming. With the educational budget cuts prospects are not plentiful and somewhat bleak. I want to be angry about the budget cuts, except I understand that if there is no money to spend, then it can't be spent and the only way to balance a budget is to cut out something somewhere. But I am still praying that there will be a job somewhere for me. If you want to pray for that too, I would appreciate it.

Speaking of jobs and redecorating, have you seen that little dresser at Hobby Lobby with the zebra print? I love it. If I do get a counseling job I think I may get it for my office if there is room. It would make a great filing cabinet or the perfect place to hold my group counseling items. But again, it will depend on my office. And did you hear? They are opening a Hobby Lobby in A.F. Two Hobby Lobbies within 10 miles of me! How did I get to be so lucky?

Indeed.

Phantom of the Opera- the review

2011-02-05T17:28:00.002-07:00

For those of you that are not familiar with the story of The Phantom of the Opera I will give a quick synopsis:

As the show opens, we are witnesses to an auction where old posters, set pieces and other items from the opera house are being auctioned off- such as an old, still working music box and pieces of a magnificent, yet broken chandelier that featured prominently in a debacle that occured 70 years before, when the Phantom haunted the opera house.

We are then transported 70 years in the past when the debacle took place.

The cast and Corps de Ballet are practicing for the opening of Hannibal when they are interrupted by the new agents of the new owner of the opera house. We are treated to a sample of the evenings performance when the show's star is asked to sing an aria. It is then that the Phantom makes his first apperance and the star storms off, refusing to continue perfoming.

Christine, one of the Corps de Ballet is asked to step in and take over the role vacated by Carlotta. She sings for the agents to prove that she is up to the task. Everyone is stunned by her performance. When questioned, we find out that she has been secretly taking voice lessons, but does not know who her tutor is.

During the evening performance, Christine is stunning and the new owner of the house. Raoul, vicomte de Chagny, is in attendance. He recognizes Christine as his long lost childhood sweetheart and immediatly seeks her out after the performance is over.

Eric lives in the catacombs under the Paris Opera House. He has been disfigured since birth, lived and studied and designed secret passages for the sultain in India and learned the art of illusion while there. Since he has been living in the opera house, he has been secretly giving voice lessons to Christine Daae.

You can see where this is going Raoul loves Christine, Eric loves Christine, Christine love Raoul but owes her career and talent to Eric who has a strange and mesmerizing hold on her mind. In truth, if it were real life, Eric would be considered creepy and a stalker, but as a book/play/movie it works and he is just creepy enough to keep us from liking him, but human enough for us to feel sorry for him.

So that is my synopsis, now on to my review of the high school production of Phantom of the Opera

Wednesday night was opening night for The Phantom of the Opera at the highschool. Normally I would not attend on a Wednesday night because I have school, but I only have 15 more weeks and haven't missed a night of school, Jake helped build the set and is running the sound for the play and the drama department was holding an opening night gala- just like in the play- which I donated some jewelry to sell, and I just plain wanted to dress up in one of my fancy dresses, sparkly jewelry, wear my fur coat and bask in the feelings and energy that surround a production again.

I am speechless, yet cannot stop talking about this production. Wow, wonderful, amazing, holy cow, spectacular.. I need a thesarus to find more words to describe the experience.

First the set. Now Jake helped build the set but that aside, the set is a.maze.ing!! The props and backdrops are breath taking. We did share the cost and set pieces with Dixie High school so both schools could afford to do this show right, but even so...

Casting- Broadway should be so lucky to have this talent. We did Les Mis last year and I thought the talent could not be topped. I was wrong. maybe. I don't know how to compare the two. I have had conversations with people that have seen both shows on Broadway and said that our production was better in every way. I have the Canadian cast recording of the sound track that I have listened to for years and I wish I had a recording of our cast instead.

This is the first production our phantom has ever been in, you could not tell. He is Mr. Amazing.
And the choice for Christine- oh, wow. I worked with her mother in HMS Pinafore, back when I did choreography, and she looks like her mother and sounds like her mother and it is so hard to believe that she is only a junior in high school.
Raoul- I would have never guessed this caliber of a performance, excellent choice
Carlotta- does not need a mike at all. Her range is amazing- and don't bring any crystal goblets with you or you will go home with shards.
The rest of the cast- because if I went through them individually you would get tired of me saying amazing, is just, well, amazing.

I am very stingy with my standing ovations. I don't think that every single kindergarten rendition of Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star deserves a standing ovation and I also believe that they are handed out too freely here. I was the first one on my feet at the end of the show. It brought chills to my skin and tears to my eyes and I cannot effuse enough about the wonder of this production.

If you get a chance to attend- then run, don't walk to the highschool to get tickets because last night was sold out, tonight will be sold out and I am sure every other night will sell out as well.

A few show stats:

We are the 4th school in Utah to perform Phantom
Work began on Phantom in July 2010 and has been ongoing to the present
Over 20,000 work hours were invested to get the show ready
3 trips to St. George were made as they collaborated closely with Dixie High School
Approximate cost of production $55,000.000 (non-tax payer dollars)
items for this show came from: Denver colorado, Brooklyn New York, Louisville Kentucky, Los Angeles California, Canada, Florida, Oregon, Texas and many other places far and near
The candelabras in the Phantom's lair are the same as seen in the Broadway production
Several wigs in the show were actually used in the national Touring Production of Phantom
Approximately 24 cans of gold spray paint were used for the set
The Chandelier weighs 440 lbs
There are 7 additional curtains/backdrops used in this production, while 4 standard blacks were removed to make room for the new
There are over 100 candles used in the production
There are 5 high E's sung in this production

There will be pictures from Gala night and I will post them later, but now I need to get ready to head out for tonight's production where Jake will be working and I will be selling tickets and then enjoying the show for the third time. (and I get to enjoy it 4 times next week. be jealous)

Indeed.

Groundhog day

2011-02-02T05:00:00.001-07:00

I sat down to write Matthew an e-mail for this week and when I started typing a little poem just came out.

It is silly and corny and I have no idea where it came from, but I thought I would share it with you in celebration of this weather vermin day.

So enjoy, groan, roll your eyes and have a happy groundhog day.

Groundhog day!!!

Will he or won't he is the question we ask
Hoping this vermin is up to the task
Lights, camera, action
Up pops his head
If there's no shadow
Then winter is dead.
But if his shadow is cast
then its six more weeks of winter's cold blast.

So pop goes the weasel
All eyes are on him
Will it be sunny
or will it be dim
No matter the sky
the calendar says
In six weeks we'll have spring
And birds will return and we'll all start to sing.

Indeed.

Phantom of the Opera

2011-02-01T10:05:00.001-07:00

PGHS presents

Phantom of the Opera

Feb. 2-12

(excluding Sundays)

Review coming this weekend

after I attend the opening night- gala and all

But I can already tell you the cast is impressive

and the set is spectacular.

Indeed.

Speak Up Wednesday- Domestic Violence

2011-01-12T05:49:00.001-07:00

Dr. Phil.com

Become a Silence Breaker of Domestic Violence!

Every 15 seconds a woman is abused in America. It is the most under-reported phenomenon in our society. When I started the Dr. Phil show years ago, I said we were going to talk about the silent epidemics in this country. And now, I am launching a season-long attack on the domestic violence that is destroying the lives of women and children. I am on a mission to expose how far reaching and extensive this problem is, and I pledge to take action against it. Join me!
Take the following pledge on drphil.com

1. I Will:1Be violence free and never commit, condone or stay silent about an act of violence
2. Report all known and suspected incidents of domestic violence to the National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or TTY 1-800-787-3224 1-800-787-3224

3. Educate myself as well as my friends, family and children about healthy relationships

4. Print and sign this letter drafted by Congresswoman Gwen Moore and send to your Representative

5.Call 911 if I witness domestic violence occurring

6. To respond to or to act upon Dr. Phil’s “Calls to Action”

7. Further my knowledge and understanding of domestic violence by reviewing Warning Signs of an Abusive Relationship and Guidelines for Leaving an Abusive Relationship: An Exit Action Plan

8. Teach my sons to respect women and that strength is not defined by violence or domination

9. Teach my daughters self-esteem and self-worth

10. Support or donate to a women’s group or shelter

Indeed.

Tuesday Thoughts- Blog-a-versary prizes included

2011-01-11T04:40:00.001-07:00

See that logo button thingy over in my sidebar? The one that looks like a balloon proclaiming a blogaversary? If you were to click on it you would be transported to a party over at Karlene's blog where every day this week she is giving away 5 prizes. These prizes represent categories based on her favorite things- which is mostly books, books and more books.

However she also likes jewelry and she likes me and so today the #1, first on the menu prize is a piece of jewelry made by me.

So head over there, read all the rule thinggies, and enter to win you some bling and books and other fun stuff.

That's enough to brighten a January day.

Just a few samples of some of my work.

This is one of my favorites

and made it for my personal

collection, but would be happy

to recreate it for you should you win.

Indeed.

Sunday thoughts

2011-01-09T20:31:00.000-07:00

Today was a different kind of day. A couple of my kids are sick with some sort of stomach bug and stayed home from church. When I left for church I had a nagging headache but thought it was just because I didn't sleep well last night.

Wrong.

Before church was half way over my head was pounding and before the last speaker I knew it was my turn for the stomach bug and went home as soon as the closing prayer was over.

But inbetween leaving for church and coming home I had a couple of thoughts for poems start brewing. I wrote them down when I sat in the pew, intending to flesh them out when I got home. When I got home I went to bed.

And I am just hoping that the dishes got done after everyone ate because I hate getting up to a sink full of dishes.

On that note, I am going to give you the bare bones beginning of one of the poems:

The Tantrum

She folds her arms, stamps her foot and says

No! I won't!

as she fixes me with a haughty stare of defiance

And I, resigned, sigh and say

OK, have it your wayh

But I think,

Why can't you see how much better for you

my way would be?

And then I think of all the times

I have folded my arms, stamped my feet

and in defience said

No, Lord, I won't

And He, in patience, sighs and says

Ok, my child. Do it your way

But when you are ready

Come to me and together we will do it my way

And tomorrow begins a week long giveaway on Karelene's blog. If you like books you are going to want to check it out because books are going to be featured prominantly in this bloggy palozza of Karlene's favorite things.

Indeed.

Silent Saturday Salutation New Year Addition

2011-01-01T00:00:00.001-07:00

Indeed.

Thursday Book Review- Th1rteen R3easons Why

2010-12-30T07:38:00.069-07:00

A novel by Jay Asher

From the official Th1rteen R3asons Why website:

SYNOPSIS

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a mysterious box with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker--his classmate and crush--who committed suicide two weeks earlier. On tape, Hannah explains that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he'll find out how he made the list. Through Hannah and Clay's dual narratives, debut author Jay Asher weaves an intricate and heartrending story of confusion and desperation that will deeply affect teen readers.

EXCERPT
A shoebox-sized package is propped against the front door at an angle. Our front door has a tiny slot to shove mail through, but anything thicker than a bar of soap gets left outside. A hurried scribble on the wrapping addresses the package to Clay Jensen, so I pick it up and head inside. I take the package into the kitchen and set it on the counter. I slide open the junk drawer and pull out a pair of scissors. Then I run a scissor blade around the package and lift off its top. Inside the shoebox is a rolled-up tube of bubble-wrap. I unroll that and discover seven loose audiotapes. Each tape has a dark blue number painted in the upper right-hand corner, possibly with nail polish. Each side has its own number. One and two on the first tape, three and four on the next, five and six, and so on. The last tape has a thirteen on one side, but nothing on the back. Who would send me a shoebox full of audiotapes? No one listens to tapes anymore. Do I even have a way to play them? The garage! The stereo on the workbench. My dad bought it at a yard sale for almost nothing. It's old, so he doesn't care if it gets coated with sawdust or splattered with paint. And best of all, it plays tapes. I drag a stool in front of the workbench, drop my backpack to the floor, then sit down. I press Eject on the player. A plastic door eases open and I slide in the first tape.

My feelings:

Wow. Powerful stuff.

Karlene gave me this book and Tuesday I wasn't feeling very well, so I pulled it out to read. That was about 8 in the morning. I put it down about 6 that evening when I finished it. As a counselor it is a book I feel all counselors should read. In fact, I think everyone that deals with children, or other people for that matter, should read it. Because it is that powerful.

This book deals with the suicide of a high school student and the 13 reasons that she pinpoints as being the catalyst for her ending her life. But at the same time she acknowledges that there is more than those 13 reasons and even she cannot understand it all herself. She asks for help, but no one is able to see or hear her cries for help. Mostly because they are all caught up in their own mini drama of life, like most teens they all believe the world revolves around them. Leaving no one and nothing to revolve around anyone else.

If you want a happy, feel good book this is not the one for you. This book deals with raw emotions and some ugly, real thoughts and feelings that teens have. It pulls no punches and sometimes the descriptions are a bit on the graphic side. However, I do not feel that those graphic descriptions are gratuitious, but are necessary to the novel and the understanding of Hannah's reasons. And her reasons for remaining silent or unclear in her communications with others.

As a counselor I want Hannah's guidance counselor to ask different questions. The hard questions. The questions he only hints at. Because I never want to be that counselor. The one that is afraid to ask the hard questions. The unspeakable questions. The questions that will make me responsible to deal with it. Because I want to deal with it. And help the students deal with it. Because life for teens is getting harder and harder and the war they are fighting, whether they know it or not, is escalating. And if I am afraid to say it out loud in my office, it will not make it go away. In fact it will just make it harder. And for that reason I am angry at Mr. Porter, the counselor in the book. He blew it. But in reality, Hannah didn't make it easy, either.

To Mr. Asher I say- Well done. I look forward to more from you in the future.
(and tonight, Tuesday when I am writing this post, I am feeling a bit overwhelmed as a counselor because I just found out that another of our students died during the holiday break. That makes 2 students since August and another 16ish have lost parents since the beginning of the year.)

Indeed.

Seasons endings and beginnings

2010-12-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

If you know me at all you would know that I don't do new year's resolutions but that if I need a change, I change. However, I still like to take stock at the end of one year and the beginning of another and see where I've been and then make plans for where I want my next 12 months to take me. Though, I can only see a small way into that journey and the path always takes places I had not planned and could not forsee. Sometimes I walk the path easily and other times I have to be pulled kicking and screaming and murmuring. But somehow I seem to be able to put one foot in front of the other and keep plodding on, and on, and on.

To tell the truth, lately that is how my journey feels- plodding through miles and miles of thick, goopy mud. The kind that sucks your shoes off with each step with that loud slurping noise until you pull your foot out with a pop. And if you are lucky enough to still have your shoe, you have a thick layer of goop stuck on the bottom that you try to fling off, but only end up getting covered in the goop and you are left messy, goopy and shoeless and want to sit down on a rock and cry. Except that just leaves mascara streaks mingled with all the mud and goop.

I have a sister that chooses a word of the year each year. And then she tries to live up to that word. I have done something like that in the past- usually with a theme. When I read my sister's post on her past year living with her word, I thought that maybe I would again live this next year with a purpose. So I began my quest for my purpose. But that is a really scary prospect for me right now because with every word I thought of, I could only see the ways the Lord could possibly help me learn that concept:

*Patience- was never in the running because we all know what happens when you pray for patience
*Faith- see patience
*Hope- ditto
*Freedom, love, light, abandon, ... I think you see where this is going.

Clearly I am a wimp and a coward. I want the end of the path, but don't want to walk the path. I am tired and weary and just want the goop washed off and to ride in the wagon, or rather the air conditioned, comfy car for a change.

The bishop (we have a new one) and I had a discussion about my life. I don't remember the last time someone cried for me and my children. That alone gave me courage and strength. He challenged me to read in the scriptures and pray about my situation and the next steps to take. No air conditioned car for me but hard, slogging work I guess.

Sitting in church yesterday listening to our ward choir's annual Christmas program I was struck by a couple of thoughts:

Integrity- Live this next year with integrity

Ephesians 6- Stand up and take a stand against Satan in defense of your family.

So now that I have learned how to be healthy in my body and deal with my chronic health issues so they are not so much of an issue but rather one of maintanance, I will now be strengthening my family and speaking out more vocally about those things that have been working away at the very foundations of my family and pulling at not just my children but every child in this world.

My 2011 looks to be one filled with fiery darts, slogging through muck and mud and mostly just putting one foot in front of the other. But in the end, a year from now, I will look back and see that I have made progress and I will be triumphant.

(it won't be easy and you may learn more about evil in the world than you want to know, but I can no longer sit in this mire and whine about the unfairness and how I didn't sign up for this and I don't want this. I have been chosen to do this, so I rolling up my shirt sleeves and getting to work. And this is totally not where I had planned this post to go.)

Indeed.

I Spy a little Christmas

2010-12-22T17:11:00.000-07:00

You've seen these books. My kids and I love these books. We can pour over them for hours looking and searching and trying to find the hidden things from the riddles and then we go back and try to find the things from the lists in the back of the books. I even found a small board book of I Spy Christmas that I used to let my kids take to church. I should get that out for Jordan and Hunter to "read" when they are here....

I have had an idea coasting around in my head for a while now. I stopped into Micheals today on the way home from the rheumatologist's office.

I was looking for a special container to hold some stuff. (it's Christmas time, I can't be more specific)

Micheals was having a sale. 60% off stuff.

This really cute lighted Christmas bear just jumped into my cart. His price tag said $69.99

His sale tag said $19.99

At the register the cashier gave me a coupon to use on him.

He cost me $10.

I'll show you a picture of him when I take a picture of my outside decorations later tonight

But I digress in my story of my trip to Micheals this morning.

So, while perusing the aisles of marked way down stuff

I came across a cute little wodden snowman

and my I Spy idea took root and sprouted

I picked up this jewlery tray

(only thing I got that wasn't on sale

I have another idea, but this

worked for the currently

sprouting idea)

they came in gold, red, and white as well

but this was what I wanted today

I then got gobs of way marked down stuff

See those cute snowmen in the middle right?

Gobs of wooden cutouts

(most of their Christmas ones were

not stocked, but I made it work)

Then I went home

opened all the packages

got my wire cutters out

snipped

arranged

rearranged

snipped and arranged some more

called Jess to come give me her opinion

she helped me rearrange again

Then I heated up the glue gun

glued, and glued and glued

And this is what I made

(instead of cleaning out my sewing room- again)

My original idea was to get a shadow box divide it into 26 sections and do an alphabet I spy box. I still want to do that, and I want to do a dinosaur one for Hunter and a princess one for Jordan and soccer for Brandi and music for the boys and, and, and....

You can see where this is going can't you? I am going to spend the next year hunting for little nativity things and make a nativity one for next Christmas. This was so fun. I think I might make some and start selling them in my etsy shop.

And I have another idea as well. I got it from this that my kids love and the Christmas idea here.

(and speaking of nativities, am I the only one disappointed by the lack of nativities in stores this year?? What's up with that?)

Indeed.

Drummers at Christmastime

2010-12-14T20:38:00.001-07:00

Sunday night was our stake's annual Christmas in the Grove concert. This is one of my favorite celebrations of the year and of the season. I look forward to it all year. I have a tape recording of the very first Christmas in the Grove- 15? 16+ years ago when it was just a small choir and a small congregation in the chapel of the stake center. Now it has grown so large that we have to hold it in the American Fork tabernacle and it is usually standing room only. And Katherine Laycock Little, my wonderful friend, always chooses music that so wonderfully celebrates the birth of our Savior that I am always moved to my very core.

I have always had a child in the children's choir and when they were old enough they joined the youth choir. And those that were able, played an instrument- usually percussion. This year, Jacob was in the small group that played percussion for the concert and I was excited when he told me that they were going play one of my favorite songs, Little Drummer Boy. I was not prepared, though, for how much this particular song would move me and touch the deepest part of my heart.

As the song began, for some reason, I became hyper focused on the words of the song and the fact that they were the drummer's words.
Then the second verse began and I became focused on the drummer.

Then I looked at the drummer- really looked at him and saw--
my son giving his heart and his song to his Savior and Redeemer, everything he, a poor boy, had to give,
and I was moved in a way I thought I would never feel again because I have spent a lot of years building a protective layer around my heart.

But my son, with his offering to my Savior, helped tear that layer away and filled my heart to over flowing with love and gratitude.

for some reason my tripod was not turning smoothly that night, and at the end of the song, I truly wish that I could have taped it so that you could see both Jake and Katherine as she led the song. The small interaction between her as she led both the choir and the percussion was beautiful, but I hoped you felt the spirit anyway.

Indeed.

Parade of Homes- Gingerbread style

2010-12-11T04:41:00.001-07:00

Sunday we had a marathon house building session

It was a blast. After we were done, we went outside to see Grandma's trees sing to music.

Then after the kids went home, I had Jessica take some pictures of all the houses for the contest. And since no one else sent in any pictures, this is it for our parade of Gingerbread houses.