On the Journey of Life

When I opened my mail this morning, one of the first things I see is a short one line note from my brother. It brought tears to my eyes. It was nice to be greeted by a loved one remembering me first thing in the morning. Thanks.

I have been thinking a lot lately about family and life and hopes and dreams. I had a brief blog comment discussion yesterday with a blog aquaintance about motivation and our hopes and dreams. Why is it that some of us have dissapointment in achieving our dreams, but still we forge ahead and make course adjustments and revisions and work harder until we meet the desired goal. Others, on the other hand, just give up and stop trying. Why is it that some of us get so mired down in what is wrong that we get stuck, while others keep going?

About a month ago, graduation preparations were beginning to take place along the Valley Front. One morning as I was driving in to work, the dj's on the radio station were asking for callers to call in and tell what their hopes and dreams had been on the day they graduated and then to tell what their reality was. Maybe that is what started my introspection. When I graduated some 27 years ago I was full of plans and dreams. I was going to college. I was going to be a teacher. Spend some time as a professional dancer. Write some children's books. I would get married and have a happy home filled with kids and love and laughter. And I just hoped that I could be half as good as my mom was.

I look back and I see several points where the plans and dreams became sidetracked and changed. There have been times that I have said, "If I could go back and change this decision, that choice, I would". But I when I say that I always qualify it with, "but only if I could have the knowledge that I have now". Then I realize that that is the crux of the whole thing, if I could go back and change those decisions, I wouldn't have the knowledge that I have now. I would have different experiences and learn different lessons. Or if I did learn the lessons I have learned, perhaps the journey would have been something that I really don't want to take.

I look at the lessons I have learned and realize that they have shaped me into the woman I am today. Given me the strengths that I now possess. I see how they have served me in my chosen work. I am able to understand things that no amount of book learning could have ever prepared me for. I am better able to empethize with those that seek my help. And my help and guiding words are better understood because I get it.

I sometimes get mired in the why me's, why this, why not that. I sometimes forget to look at the trees because the forest seems so large before me. But in those moments of clarity, I am thankful for the things that have shaped me and allowed me this journey.

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Indeed.