A rose by any other name...

You know what I love? My kids. Reading. Walking barefoot in the mud during a New Mexico rain storm. Eating good food.
But I don't love them the same way. In other languages there are multiple words/ways to express your thoughts and feelings depending on what you are talking about- love of things or people. Yet in the English language, we have only one.

The feeling I am thinking about today is pride. We are warned in the scriptures over and over that we should not have pride. A few months ago in Sunday school we discussed pride again and how we are commanded not to have pride. One of the class members stated that perhaps we should use the word grateful instead of pride.  Hmm, maybe.

About a month ago my niece got her ears pierced. Now this niece is cute as a button and I wish I lived closer so that I knew her better. Let me tell you a bit about her, she has a medical condition that results in her seeing a lot of doctors and having injections often.  As someone that has had to learn to give themselves weekly injections, let me tell you, that results in a huge dislike of being poked by anything even remotely sharp.

My sister took my niece to get her ears pierced a couple of years ago and at the last minute niece changed her mind. Each time since then that my sister has suggested it niece has replied that she was too scared. Then about a month ago they were at the mall browsing around and went into Claire's. (sidenote, of course they went into Claire's. Is there any other place to go when in the mall? Unless it has shoes of course)  In my sister's words this is what happened:

We go in and she realizes that its the ear piercing place and says, "I'm feeling awfully brave today, I think I'll get my ears pierced." Um, ok. I make her wait 10 minutes to think about it and be sure, and I try to talk her out of it, since it was so sudden, but she had her mind made up! She yelped a little on the first poke, but not even a flinch on the second and she never cried at all!

And on the way to show her dad,

"I'm just so PROUD of myself! I just keep having this happy face on because I keep thinking about my new earring and how cute they look and how I didn't cry so I keep not getting a sad face, only the happy one and I think it's because I'm just SO PROUD of myself!!"

Now, here is where I am wishing we had another word to express ourselves, because I don't thing what niece was feeling and expressing is wrong. She should feel happy for doing something that was hard and scary. Gratitude for being able to do it? Perhaps. Probably. But no word to use to express it. (and for the record, when I heard about it I told her that she should be proud of herself)

What really started me thinking about this, though, is what has been going on with me the last month.

I told you earlier this summer about my goal to be able to hike to the waterfall without stopping. I also told you that the doctor had a laundry list of issues my body was having and none of them were good news. A couple weeks ago I had to go into the doctor's office and have my finger poked and my blood tested. Not a big test, just a small poke, small drop of blood on a meter. I was supposed to be fasting but when I called and asked the receptionist if I was supposed to be fasting, she said that it was not in my chart in the orders to be a fasting test. So I ran down to the office. It had been about five hours since I ate last and I had gone hiking that morning as well. The nurse asks if I am fasting and I tell her no. She is worried that it will throw off the test, but does it anyway. The results are 103 and the doctor wants 100 or less. But since I ate, 103 is perfect because if I still had the same issue going on it would be a much higher number.

And I felt proud of me for doing the hard work this summer that got me that result.

Then last Monday, August 16, 2010 I hiked to the waterfall without stopping even once. Not even for a second. And I did it in 16 minutes. And I was breathing hard when I got there, but not out of breath. I did sit down on a rock for about 3 minutes to catch my breath. And if I told you that I did not feel proud of myself, I would be lying. And the rest of the week I kept "not getting a sad face, only the happy one and I think it's because I'm just SO PROUD of myself!!"

Then on Wednesday I choose to do a workout on the treadmill because I had to go to work and there was not time to go hiking and get home and  ready for work. Last time I did a preprogrammed workout I did #1 and it felt a little easy, so I decided to do #2 because it is harder. There came a point in the workout that I felt that perhaps I should stop and go into cool down mode because I was beginning to feel as if I could not go on. I looked down at the count down timer and I only had 5 minutes left and was entering the cool down phase! 

Again, proud of my accomplishment and build up of stamina.

Then I did something big. Something I had not even really planned on doing until next year. Friday morning we hiked to the "G" (a big white letter on the side of the mountain, about a mile up a small trail that is very steep and rugged in places)
And I did it and not once did I want to turn back. Was it tough? Yes. Was it hard? Not really, but it was challenging.

And I am just SO PROUD of myself!! 

And that is why I have been wishing we had another word. Because if being proud is a sin, I don't want to be prideful. But let me tell you, I worked hard this summer. I got up when the sun was not shining- and in the summer that is pretty early- and I did yoga to stretch so I would not injure myself. I ate only good healthy food, reading labels and studying and experimenting and learning new ways to cook things. And I hiked, and hiked, and hiked and my pedometer racked up at hundreds of miles. (halfway through the summer Jess started keeping track of how far we went each day- maybe tomorrow I'll add it all up). And it was not always easy, but to me it was worth it.

Do I want to use the word grateful in place of proud. Sure I do. Because I am grateful to a loving Heavenly Father that gave me the knowledge to change the way I eat and the wisdom He gave me almost 24 months ago that has allowed me to take that long to change old eating habits and to form new ones- because I would have failed 2 years ago but this was easy because I had already put the food part in place.

I am grateful that He gave me the strength to get up every morning and just go do it. In fact, after about 2 weeks it became not just a goal to meet, but something fun to do and I began looking forward to hiking, planning other places to hike, and even counting hours until it is time to go again.

So I guess grateful would work. But I still don't think that proud is always a bad thing.

(Oh and I forgot to tell you we hiked to Timp cave as well.)

I do have to tell you one bad thing that has happened as a result of all this hiking and stuff. I no longer have any clothes that fit. I put on my favorite Sunday dress and it is 2 sizes too big. Hmm, I wonder if my sister can take it in for me....
Because at this rate, I am going to have to win a lottery so I can go clothes shopping.

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Indeed.

Life is crazy that way

I have had a couple of topics I wanted to blog about running around in my head for the past week or so, but I have been so busy with the kids, homework, house stuff purging, and all that, that it seems I never get the opportunity to sit down and write a proper blog.

Then something happens and I feel the need to share, but have no time so I do a quick facebook post and call it good.

But sometimes I want to process things on  a bit deeper level or more completely, but that is hard to do on facebook, and even harder on a blog because one needs proper feedback and one can't know if that will happen in those mediums. So I just keep putting one foot in front of the other and moving, feeling as if I am getting no where. Kind of like, "the hurrier I go the behinder I get". That sort of thing.

So a quick recap of the last couple of weeks:

*Saw the doctor and things are looking better. I am down 6 pounds and my blood pressure is so low that I will be off the medication soon. The vitamin D is doing me some good. He is having me come in next month just for a blood draw to check some of my other levels and then again the next month for a more in depth blood test. But I am optimistic because I feel so much better.

*I took up hiking and I think that is also part of the reason I feel better. Hiking is really doing me good. Most of the time. Unless I almost step on a snake or almost come across a dead body. Then I am not sure, but then I put on clothes that are too big or step on the scale or take my measurements and know again it is worth it. And on the days I don't go because I am giving my muscles a rest, I crave getting out and hiking.

So, the snake. Last wednesday, just Jess and I went hiking. I don't remember why the boys and Brandi didn't go this day, but they didn't. We were moving along at a pretty good clip along the road/trail, Jess on my left side but about a foot in front of me. I was watching where I was walking because the road is kind of rutty in this area and I didn't want to twist my ankle because she would never be able to get me back to the car. I was about to put my foot down when I realized there was a stick in the road and I needed to adjust my stride or I was going to step on the fat end and pop it up and it would hit my leg. And then I realized that the "fat end" was really a snake's head. I gasped and stepped backward. Jess, who was wearing flip flops, whirled around thinking I had fallen or twisted my ankle and looked where I was looking and saw the snake- about 6 inches from her foot.

We both just kind of stood there and then I told her go, go, go. So she did. The snake just lay there. I think he was hoping we wouldn't notice him because he was the exact shade of the dirt. It was his eyes that gave him away. (why do we always speak of snakes in terms of he/him?) Anyway. I moved to the other side of the trail and hugged the side of it as I hurried past the snake. He pulled just his head back as if he was trying to get away from me as well.  Scary times. I am pretty sure it was a garter snake as I didn't see any rattles, but he did have that triangular diamond back head, but I didn't stay around for introductions so I guess we'll never know for sure.  And we had extra adreniline to help us move quickly the rest of the hike.

Then there was this morning. Again just Jess and I because Brandi had soccer camp at 8 and I didn't want her to hike 1-2 miles and then have to immediately go to 2 hours of soccer. and I left the boys with her while they did their chores and got ready for marching band also at 8. So today we were headed up to the falls, because it was Monday and that is where we go on Monday and Friday. So we went even though we both were feeling we should go above Cedar Hills. And neither of us slept well last night. And I dreamed the trail was flooded and we couldn't go past the flat part, the first bit of water that when I first made the hike I was hoping was the end of the trail. And Jess kept saying that she didn't want to go farther than that today because she was afraid we wouldn't be back in time to take Brandi to soccer- even though I knew we would.

Just before we got to that part of the trail, we met a biker headed down. He stopped to talk to us. At first I was a bit freaked out by that, because really? you don't have to stop to just say good morning. And it was a guy. And we were 2 females kind of in the middle of nowhere with no one else around. And I watch and read a lot of stories where that situation always is disaterous for the females. But then he started talking. He told us that he didn't think we wanted to go any further up the trail because he had just found a body at the base of the falls and he was headed to meet the law enforcement and recovery teams. Then he headed on down. We walked the couple of feet to the flat place, caught our breath and turned around and went back down. The police were just getting to the parking lot as we did and by the time we left, the parking lot was full of police, sherrif people, rescue/recovery people, and barely enough room for us to turn the Durango around and leave.

We later found out that the body was a male and it was not murder or an accident. We also found out that he was a close friend of Jessica's friend's boss. We are also sad that our world is so intolerant that someone would rather die than be different. And we are also thankful that we were not 10 minutes earlier in our leaving the house time like I wanted to, because we would have been at the falls first. So as horrible as it was for this man, we are thankful that he spared us.

But even with the crazy/scary stuff, I am going to keep on hiking. I am not sure about when school starts in a couple of weeks because I am not sure I want to go after work when it is super hot. I am sure I will get sick. I did on Thursday when it was over 100* and my swamp cooler is inefficient unless you are standing right under it. I had a migraine. I had one Friday and Sat. too- all heat induced, so I may have to just start using the treadmill until it is cool enough in the evenings to go after work. I'll figure it out somehow.

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Indeed.

A Hike With a View

The girls and I hiked in a different place this morning. The view was amazing. It is the opposite side of town from the falls. There is a lot of new development going on over there. When the development was first going in I looked at a house up there and fell in love with the view. I have always wanted a house with a huge front room or kitchen window that I could look out and see both the lake and the temple. Here I could do it. (I loved the house I looked at as well, but circumstances you know)

Again today I was taken back by the view and decided that someday I will have a house that gives me this view.

We hiked for about a mile round trip. The first 5 minutes were almost as bad as going up to the falls, but after that it was just enough of a work out to let me know I was working hard, but then the trail would head down for a bit so it wasn't all uphill. But, as I said to Jessica, the bad part about that means that going back is not all downhill. But that was ok because we had never been on the trail before so we didn't know where it went. after about 3/4 of a mile we decided to head back when we got to a place that gave us 3 choices besides turning around. We choose one that looped back around to the parking lot and ended up at the playground equipment you will see in the video below. We stopped and let Brandi play for a bit and then headed home.

That is Utah Lake, The Mt. Timpanogos Temple, the Oquirh mountains (I think, I am not really good at that kind of stuff) and Bingham Canyon Mine (Kennecott) with the sun coming up. (only about 47 seconds but you can see the beauty)

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Indeed.

Take a Hike

Up the street from the high school, by the town water tanks, is a little park with a pavalion for picnics and get togethers. I didn't even know the pavalion was there until last week, so I am not sure how long it has been there. But then I don't go to this particular park very often. In fact, I think Ethan was a baby the last time I actually got out of my car and wasn't just dropping a child off for an activity. And that time it was winter and we were sledding.

Anyway, this park also it the trail head for some hikes in the foothills around town. A couple weeks ago Brandi's Activity day leader handed me the schedule for the summer activity days. 1 a month for the next 3 months. The first one was a mother/daughter hike up to the water fall just above this park. It was scheduled for a Thursday evening. My first thought, I am sorry to say, was that I was glad it was a Thursday because Brandi has soccer practice at the exact time of the hike so I wouldn't have to go.

Well, when Brandi saw the schedule she asked if she could skip soccer just this one time. Pleeeaaseee?

Ok, it was a mother/daughter thing, and a church thing and who am I to tell her that soccer is more important than mother/daughter stuff, or church stuff? And besides, she has been meeting with her trainer, and had that extra 5 hours last week at Velocity training, and gone to every single practice since she started. So it was agreed that we would go.

And wouldn't you know it, that day turned out to be the hottest day of the year so far- almost 100*. Have I ever told you that I don't do well in the heat? Well I don't. I wilt and get physically ill. Not a pretty site. But I drank a lot of water that day and borrowed a camel back from the kids' dad and Brandi took Jess's and we set out at the appointed time. Somehow we were still about 10 minutes late. Don't know how that happened because it isn't that far from our house. But the rest of the group had gone on already. So that left Brandi and me along with 2 other moms and daughters that pulled up at the same time.

So I have never been up to the falls. The kids have all been, but for one reason or another, I have never made the trip with them so I had no idea what kind of hike this was going to be. Easy and gradual strolling? Steep and hard almost rock climbing? Wide walking and talking trail? Narrow, hang on for dear life goat path? I had no idea. So I asked the kids how they thought I would do.

Jess said I would be able to do it, it was a fairly easy hike. I asked Ethan if I needed to wear pants so I wouldn't get scratched on tree limbs etc. or would my capris be ok. He told me that capris would be fine because it was a wide path. "In fact they take vehicles up it mom, so it is pretty wide and easy."

So I am thinking we have an easy and gradual strolling walk and why have I not ever gone before. And those of you that have been up there can quit laughing now.

Dirt path, yes wide enough for a vehicle, but it is not a smooth path, it is full of rocks and gravel and tree roots. And it is not gradual. And within the first few yards I knew it was not going to be as easy as the preprogrammed workouts on the treadmill- even with the highest incline setting.

I felt old and broken. And poor Brandi kept going ahead and then stopping and coming back for me, asking if I was alright and trying to stay with me. Then I heard water cascading over rocks. And then this came into my view.

And I was hoping we were there and that the hike wasn't really that bad, just needed to do it a few more times so I could keep up with Brandi. Then we got this close and I realized that it was not the water fall but just a mini fall of water. And the trail in front of me only got steeper and narrower. I used taking this picture as an excuse to stop and really catch my breath and give myself a little pep talk along the lines of those that Jillian Micheals give people on The Biggest Loser.

It is about here that the trail is no longer accessable by vehicle. By this time the other two moms were so far ahead that I could no longer hear them walking. But every time I wanted to say, "I can't" I thought of Jillian saying "What do you mean can't? Don't you ever say those words to me" and I took one more step- just to that tree, just to that bend, just to that little flat place... And Brandi never got mad or impatient, just kept encourging me on. Until

Brandi had fun playing with the other girls in the water while I sat on a rock and chatted with the other moms.

I had Brandi take a picture of me before we left, just as proof that I actually made it up there.

Of course going down was much easier, and faster,than going up. I also decided that it was pathetic that the hike up was so hard for me. I am not sure how far it is from the trail head to the falls. My pedometer said it was 2 miles round trip,(but the same pedometer said it was only 1 step from my laundry room to my living room when it is across the room, up a flight of stairs and down a short hall). Trevor said he thought it was a mile up. There is a little sign at the trail head giving the distance to 3 places, but since there is no sign at the falls, I have no idea if they are one of those places or not.

So back to it being pathetic that it was so hard, I decided that this summer is not going to pass by without me conquering this trail. I am going to hike until I can do it without soundng like the big bad wolf. But I am going to do it in the early morning hours when it is not so hot.

In fact, the girls and I went yesterday morning and it wasn't as hard as last Thursday. My biggest problem was my ankle where I tore all those tendons and ligaments when I broke my foot. But they will only get stronger, right?

This is headed back down. Brandi put on Jess's hoodie because it was kinda chilly down in the shadows next to the falls

This is the trail that branches off of the main trail

and goes down to the falls.

So the plan is to hike up to the falls every Monday and Friday morning. On Wednesday we are going to hike a different trail that Jess found the other day. Tuesday and Thursday I will continue strength training. And at the end of summer I will take that hike and maybe Brandi will have to hurry to catch up with me.

On a totally unrelated note, just after you get back on th main trail after coming up from the falls, this is the view

See that red building? The tannish builing right in front of it is where I used to work.

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Indeed.