Thursday, March 13, 2014

Baby steps, baby steps

I am thinking about attending a singles party this weekend.  I am equally excited and scared out of my mind.  It has been so long since I attended any party that wasn't just a girl's thing or couples thing and I am just not sure I know how to do this anymore.  

Part of me wants to dance around and can't stop smiling at the thought.

Another part of me is afraid that I will embarrass myself silly or start crying with overwhelm.

And yet another part of me wants to run to the bathroom and throw up at the thought.

Then there are the questions.  Oh, the questions- what do I wear? Does this make me look fat? What will we talk about? What if they play games I don't know how to play- you know something that involves knowing about sports or celebrities or movies or, or, or?  What if we have to choose teams for a game and I get chosen last?  What if I snort when I laugh? What if the cute guy doesn't like me?

Ok, now I feel the need to go sit in class with some of my students because they ask me these questions every day and I ALWAYS know how to help them.

Maybe I'll just finish this break by opening that bottle of bubbles that is sitting on my desk and blowing my anxiety away.

I can do this, I can do this, I can do this


Indeed

Sunday, February 2, 2014

I Lived in Heaven..

Today in Primary our lesson was "I Chose to Follow Jesus Christ"  and it was the story of the council in heaven when we chose Jesus' plan and not Lucifer.  I was teaching today and was telling them the story:

When we lived in Heaven there was a big meeting.  Who do you think was in charge? (Heavenly Father and Jesus!!)  No, not Jesus, only Heavenly Father.  He told us that he made us a special place because we were all grown up and had learned everything we could learn so we needed to go to an earth so we could learn some more stuff like faith, and repentance and how to be like Him.  But while we were on this earth some bad things would probably happen and we would make some mistakes and some bad choices.  Then He asked us what we should do about that.

Who was at this meeting? (we talked about how everyone in the whole world was there.  No not the fishes and whales only the people and yes, Max Wright, even the people far away in Hawaii were there- his parents are on a vacation there and he was missing them :)   Well, one of our brothers, whose name is Lucifer (yes it is the name of the kitty on Cinderella, yes he was a bad kitty) but our brother's name was Lucifer.  Anyway, he stood up and said that he had a plan. He said that he would go to earth with us and MAKE us all do the right thing and we would never ever make any mistakes and no bad things would happen and then we would all go back to heaven and we would all go to him and tell him how wonderful he is and thank him for forcing us to do the right things.

Then another of our brothers, in fact our oldest brother stood up. Do you know who that was?  Yep, Jesus.  He said that He had a different plan.  He thought that we should let Him go to earth and He would teach us about Heavenly Father and how to make right choices and we could decide if we wanted to Choose the Right or not.  And then when we got back to Heaven we would all tell Heavenly Father how much we loved Him and thank Him for letting us choose.

Well, we then needed to vote and decide which plan to chose.  Which one do you think we chose? Yes, we all chose Jesus's plan.  Well Lucifer was really angry about that and he went around trying to make us all chose his plan and he was mean.  In fact we had a war. (no Josh we didn't have spears and shields because we didn't have a body. But we had words and they were angry words)  And they we so angry that we were all fighting each other and finally Heavenly Father said that because Lucifer couldn't follow the rules and was making a fight then he couldn't live with Heavenly Father in Heaven anymore and he was kicked out of Heaven and everyone that was wanting his plan was kicked out too.  And then Heavenly Father told them that because they were kicked out they could never be born and never get a body. (at this point little Josh Beck had the beginnings of tears in his eyes and he said "that is really so sad". It almost made me cry)  And when he was kicked out he got a new name.  Now we call him Satan.   (this was the first time that they realized that he was our brother and lived with us in heaven and it made them really sad and I thought It is really too bad that we don't always feel that way about our brothers and sisters that are making poor and wrong choices just as I am sure we did feel that way before we were born but now we just criticize and condemn instead of feeling sorry and helping and praying for them. I think our world would be different if we could remember this small fact)

How do we know that we chose Jesus' plan?  We got something that those that didn't choose His didn't get.  Yes, we got a body and that is how we know that we choose to follow Jesus.

It was a simple lesson, but for 5 year olds it was profound and it really touched me how the little light bulbs were coming on and how much they felt sorry for those that chose poorly.  They really are sweet little souls and I am so privileged to be their teacher






Indeed

Sunday, January 12, 2014

The Woodlands


Rosa never thought she'd make it to sixteen...

When being unique puts you in danger and speaking your mind can be punishable by death, you might find yourself fighting to survive. Sixteen-year-old Rosa lives in one of the eight enclosed cities of The Woodlands. Where the lone survivors of a devastating race war have settled in the Russian wilderness because it's the only scrap of land left habitable on the planet. In these circular cities, everyone must abide by the law or face harsh punishment. Rosa's inability to conform and obey the rules brands her a leper and no one wants to be within two feet of her, until she meets Joseph. He's blonde, fair-skinned, green-eyed, and the laid-back complete opposite of Rosa. She's never met anyone quite like him, and she knows that spells danger. 


But differences weren't always a bad thing. People used to think being unique was one of the most treasured of traits to have. Now, the Superiors, who ruthlessly control the concrete cities with an iron fist, are obsessed with creating a 'raceless' race. They are convinced this is the only way to avoid another war. Any anomalies must be destroyed. 

The Superiors are unstoppable and can do anything they want. After all, they are considered superheroes by the general public. But not everyone sees them this way. When they continue to abuse their power by collecting young girls for use in their secret, high-tech breeding program, they have no idea that one of those girls has somehow managed to make friends even she didn't know she had. And one man will stop at nothing to save her.

I just finished this book on my Kindle.  I don't know why I am so enamored of dystopian novels but lately that is my book of choice.  I really enjoyed this book. I understand Rosa's spunk and feel her pain when tragedy strikes, as well as her elation, confusion, sadness etc. I really like her and I like to think that should I ever be in the same situation I would be as strong as she is as she reaches to overcome her oppression.

My recommendation? Read it.


Indeed

Saturday, January 11, 2014

Day 8-11

I was going to blog every single day this month. Then I got sick.  I haven't been sick like that for about 10 years.  I called in sick at work and felt bad because it was my turn to teach the counseling lesson to the 8th graders. I then had Jess drive me to the doctor's office.  

Am I the only one or does it irritate you when the nurse doesn't even speak to you beyond calling you back to the exam room?  She waves toward the scale then silently sticks the thermometer in your ear and scribbles on your chart then silently waves toward a room and you just assume that is where she wants you to go.  After you crawl up on the bed she then silently attaches the blood pressure cuff to your arm and when finished scribbles again. Not once has she told you what the readings were.  Then she says- why are you here? in a tone that implies that you are really inconveniencing her day.

I like to know what my readings are for a number of reasons.  1. I like to monitor and take charge of my health.  It is kind of hard to do if you don't tell me the numbers. 2. I know what is normal for me.  So if a doctor says, "so no fever, your temp is 98.6* normal." I can say- nope, normal for me is 96* 98.6 is a fever for me. Just sayin'

I saw the nurse practitioner because my doctor was not in that day. I like seeing her if he is not in.  She thought it was the beginning of the flu but sent me home with a shot for the headache and nausea and a prescription for more and told me what to watch for.

I slept the rest of the day.  I have no idea who brought Brandi home from school but she got here.

I went to work the next two days and just went through the motions and then came home and went right to bed.  Today I have spent in bed reading.  I hate unproductive days

On another note, I am thinking about going back to selling Avon again as opposed to going back to Target as a second job.

Indoor soccer begins next week.

I'm going back to bed.


Indeed

Tuesday, January 7, 2014

Baby Its Cold Outside

I  am cold.  I don't remember the last time I was this cold.  I never feel warm. Even when the house thermometer says it is 70* I still feel cold.  And then I walk outside and think I am going to freeze.  Then I look up how cold it is in Prince Albert Canada where Jacob is and realize that the temperature here is down right balmy.  When it is -56* there, the +20* that it is here is not that cold. Right?


Indeed

Monday, January 6, 2014

Sleep

I have insomnia.  It is a by product of PTSD which is a by product of 28 years of not so happy times- to put it mildly.

Short story, I am tired.  I also have an issue with my larynx and my trachea is not exactly formed right.  The trachea issue makes it hard to breath while sleeping so I stop breathing when I am sleeping.  Because of that I have always been tired but I started using a Cpap machine about four years ago.  They kept telling me that  I would feel so much better after I started using it because I would get such great sleep.  I'm still waiting for that to happen.

Then this issue with my larynx started Thanksgiving weekend.  It makes breathing hard and then it started happening at night and I can't use my Cpap  because of this issue.  So even though I never feel rested I am not getting even the slight sleep I get when using the Cpap.  So I am tired.

So I just want to sleep.


Indeed

Sunday, January 5, 2014

This year's Soundtrack



This is the song that I think will be my soundtrack on my journey through this year.



Indeed