Have you ever?

Have you ever had a bad day when you just want to be mad? When you just want to justify why you are right and the other person is wrong? But you have to be the grown up? Even when it is your feelings that were hurt? By someone that forgets that moms are people and have feelings?

Ya, that was me last night and today. I hate the days after I cry myself to sleep, especially when it is because one (or more) of my kids have done something or said something to me that was mean and uncaring and I don't answer because if I did I would be mean and immature. And then when you get up and you get a letter from one of them and it lists all the ways you are a bad parent? Ouch.

It makes you glad that the child decides to walk to school instead of riding with you and that he has marching band after so you don't have to drive him home. And that you have to take your daughter to soccer practice and aren't home when he gets home so that you still don't have to talk to him, because you aren't done being mad.

And then when you do get home, and he has done most of the chores (that the letter said were unfair and that you were treating him like a slave) and even cleaned up a cat surprise left by a cat that wasn't even supposed to be in the house to start with, but was in the house with no one to let it out, and then he is nice and asks what else he can do to help you. Then you are done being mad and you are able to talk about what was and wasn't said and apologies are made and there is a reconcilliation and all is well again.

And you are glad you didn't say what you had been wanting to say all day, which would have been mostly lies anyway, but said what was really in your heart and was truth and love.

In other news, the soccer coach said that even though Brandi is 3 months behind, she is willing to take Brandi onto the team. We had our option of not paying the fees, Brandi going to practice and attending the games, but never suiting up and never playing- just learning and growing as a player. Or we can pay the fees, she'll practice and attend games, suit up but probably sit on the bench for the first part of the season. But the coach said that if we take that option she can guarantee that Brandi will play because she has so much raw talent. Or we can do neither of those, try and find someone to play with this fall and winter and try out in the spring. If we take option 1 or 2, she is pretty much guaranteed a spot next year, but if we take option 3, it is a chance.

We choose option 2 because if she really is as good as the coaches have been telling me after just playing playground ball, then who am I to stop her from developing it. If all she lacks is a coach to train her, then I would be a fool to not take advantage of that training, now wouldn't I?

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Indeed.