Monday, November 16, 2009


This is for my friend. Today is the anniversary of the day her son left this life. She is a very strong woman. I can only imagine the pain and emptiness she has felt in the last 4 years. Has it really been 4 years?

I never wrote about this before. It was too painful, too personal, too emotional, too...... But today, Today I thought of him again and knew I had to write it down.

The phone call came from another neighbor. My first thought, well wasn't really a thought because I could not process what she was telling me. Hadn't he just been at my house 2 days before? In my garage helping Donovan with his car engine rebuild? Wait, What? I don't understand what you are telling me.

My second thought was, "Oh man, I have to call Donovan and tell him. I don't want to call Donovan and tell him."

Third thought, "Now I have to tell the rest of the kids. Why do I have to be the grown up? I don't want to be the grownup any more." But I told them and then we had to deal with the fact that it was Young Men/Young Women night and I had crying grieving children, a 6 year old that really didn't understand what was going on, dinner cooking, and an intense need to go to his parents.

I called Donovan, or Kristina, I don't remember who I ended up talking to. Either way it was not a phone call I wanted to make, as they were all three friends and class mates. I think the kids and I prayed, I don't remember, but would like to think we did. I turned off dinner, sent the older kids to YM/YW, where a loving leader helped Jessica make it through the evening because she really should have stayed home. Her grief was almost overwhelming. I packed a back pack with quiet toys, books etc for Brandi and we went up the street to his parent's home. And I just sat with them for a while.

It was a hard time for us, but I am sure it was even harder for his parents. I cannot even begin to understand the trial of burying a child.

But let me tell you about my freind's son. As a young boy he was full of mischief. If there was something going on, he most likely was there. But it was never malicious mischief, just boy full of energy mischief.

But he was also one of the most polite young men you have ever met. He was a loving caring person and would bend over backward to help you out if you needed it.

He once told me he wanted to be an architect and described some of the things he wanted to design and build. And he could have to.

The thing I miss most about him is his laugh. He had the best laugh in the whole world. And he laughed with his whole heart.

I don't know the answer to why he had to leave this world so early, but today, friend, know that you are loved and I am thinking of your family today.

(I am including this video because everytime I hear it I think of him)


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Kay Scott said...

What a heartfelt and tender post. I can totally relate. In my life so far at least, nothing has hurt worse than burying Jayson. I know there are things sadder than death, but losing a child is awful raw pain. My heart goes out to your friends. The hurt and emptiness is still pretty intense just 4 years away from the event. I am sure they have been blessed with peace to get through; may they have all they need this day (and always). Love you.

tawnya said...

Aunt Kay, how long has it been since you lost Jayson? I can never remember, but I think I was in...high school?

Kay Scott said...

Probably you were in college, Tawnya, because Jim (who is your age) was still on his mission in NYC. It was Feb. 1995 when Jayson passed. Almost 15 years! The horrible pain is gone, but I still miss him and think of him daily. (Did I just break some kind of blog etiquette by answering you on Sandra's blog?)

tawnya said...

Ah, I would have been in college.

And I don't think that you broke any rules...I'm sure Sandra won't mind.
However, feel free to stop by my blog anytime! (my shameless self blog promotion, however, may be crossing the line...)

Sandra said...

No rule breaking going on here.
1. she asked on my blog so it is ok to answer on my blog

2. I was wondering the same thing.

3. I don't even mind you plugging your blog.

4. It must be the day to talk etiquette because we were having an etiquette discussion over on Noelle's blog. Though I may have derailed it into cooking- something she did not intend.

Sandra said...
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