Monday, September 15, 2008

When I said I was fine, I lied

Trevor and Donovan had drill this weekend. But that is normal because they have drill the second weekend every month. However, when Trevor got home he reminded me that he flies out this coming Sunday. This? Sunday!! True, he will be back on the 30th for a couple of weeks and then he is gone again until Thanksgiving when he will be here for 2 days, then they are gone for the duration. Overseas. To the war. Where people want to kill them.

I realized something this weekend. All those times that people asked me if it would be hard to have two of my boys gone, or if sending them to war is scary, and I flippantly said, "Nope, not scary. I'm proud of my boys." Well, all those times, I was lying. Trevor reminded me of his flying out and I started hyperventilating. I almost cried (which really isn't saying much, I cry all the time). I went and washed the dishes.

To keep my mind off of the fact that he is leaving, I started making a list of all the things I need him to do in the next week:

The brakes on the Durango are squealing, I need him to check them out. Oh and change the oil while he is at it. Oh, and the furnace will need a new filter and the water drained from the swamp cooler. I need help cleaning up the garage and re-arranging all the camping stuff, hauling all the junk away. Then there is the Christmas decorations to get down and put back. And what if the vacuum breaks? And there is a cracked tile in the bathroom and I think there is water leaking under it. I know the bathroom ceiling downstairs needs redone. And, and, and...

I know I will get by and these things will somehow get taken care of, but I'm not fine. I'm proud, I'm scared and I'm not going to think about it any more tonight.



Indeed.

add to kirtsy

4 comments:

G. Parker said...

I know exactly what you mean, and my son isn't even slated to go anywhere. sigh. I was fine the whole time we were in Oklahoma until Sunday when we were leaving and I realized my son was already enroute to Virginia and I wouldn't see him again until just before thanksgiving. At least I'll have him then for a while, but I feel your pain. Take care...I know it's hard to leave them in the Lord's hands...

Kimberly Vanderhorst said...

Oh hun. How hard to have your heart hurting and stretching to a bigger size all in one moment.

Anonymous said...

You don't know me. I am a friend of David Woolley's and I just happened across your blog one day. Your blog is always a bright spot in my day. Thank you.

You and your boys will be in my prayers.

Noelle

Karlene said...

I know. Megan is talking about going to study abroad. Granted, half the population of wherever she goes will not be trying to kill her, but still. Babies. Far away. Possibly in danger. I totally get the panic.