Thursday, April 26, 2012

Water works

Can I just say that I really, really hate that I still have tears left to cry over this?  After this long one would think that the tears would be all dried up and I would have no feelings left.  But I do.  I don't want them, but I have them anyway.  And even worse? I cried in front of him and that just makes me mad because he will see it as weakness and probably use it against me.  When what I want him to see is someone that no longer cares, is strong and moving on.

Why do I have to care so much?



Jeri said...

because you did honestly give it your whole-HEARTED effort. in order to do that, your heart had to stay open and engaged. Which means that now, even though ____________(fill in the blank here with any number of things that have happened that should 'rationally' make it less heart-breaking) - you still had Faith, Hope, & Charity, which mean that now YOU are the one with the heartache and tears. But know this -
YOU are a STRONG woman!
YOU fought the good fight!
YOU gave all you had to give, 100% (and more) until the choice to continue the fight was no longer in your hands.
YOU finished the course.

Sandra said...

And you know what else, Jeri? No matter how much I heal or move on- no matter how ________ fill in the blank he was/is, he will always be my first real and true love and I don't think I will ever stop loving him or lose the strong connection my spirit has to his where I feel his pain/sorrow/whatever even when he is not even in the same state as me.

Jeri said...

very true. He will always have a piece of your heart. The piece that you, in full faith, gave to him. Unfortunately for all of us, matters of the heart are just like a physical injury. The original injury can officially be fully "healed" yet still leave a big scar and still have "flair ups."

I am sending a big cyber HUG and lots of positive thoughts your direction! I think you are an amazing lady!