Eight

Eighteen years ago today I lay in a hospital bed. It was the last of many months of hospitalization and this time I almost died. Twice. And I had just had one of the most spiritual experiences of my life up to that point. And I was sick. And tired. And overwhelmed and scared. And in a lot of pain from the emergency C-section.  Even though the nurse had explained the procedure to me- three times- no one thought to tell me that the dr. would have to push the baby out and I was so sick it didn't occur to me.  I was dying after all.

But in the end I had a perfect little boy.  And I mean little. 4 pounds little.

This is him at 1 week

and my house wasn't clean because I had been on bed rest for 3 months

and had 5 other little kids under the age of 8 and no help

I had to wake him up every 3 hours to feed him and weigh him daily.  One night when he was about 3-4 weeks old I was feeding him in the middle of the night.  I was sitting in the chair with just a night light on so he woke up only enough to eat.  I was so exhausted.  I mean I was recovering from near death, an emergency surgery, taking care of 6 kids by myself (dad was working 2 jobs and doing the best he could when he was home to do the laundry, dishes and the most important of tasks) and no sleep because really, who gets good sleep when you have a newborn and especially when that newborn is a premie? 

Anyway, I was feeding him in the middle of the night and next thing I know I was waking up because I felt him fall from my arms.  I dropped my baby!

That is the one and only time I was thankful that I had not gotten around to folding and putting the towels away because the basket of clean towels was sitting by my chair and he just kind of rolled off my lap and into the basket.

So much combined to make it so hard for him to get here and survive, but survive he did and today I am thankful that he came and is part of our family.  I love him so much and would be missing so much if he wasn't part of us.

His exsistence in our family is part of an even bigger spiritual experience that I don't tell often, but believe me when I say that his part in our family is truly a miracle and one that I am thankful for.

Happy Birthday Son.  I love you and am thankful for you.

summer parades

drumline first day of school

With the bishop during trek this summer

He and Jess playing around

And strange? Today his dad told me he was happy I didn't die but was still around and given the context he said it, it wasn't what you think he meant. Weird.

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Indeed